Risk is all there is !

Well I feel better in Spring no doubt about it. And I keep this mantra in my head about risk and the importance of creating a walking meditation to the beat of taking chances and not holding back in life. Something feels more present in my life and in my head. Perhaps this experiment is working. In any case I made it through the deafing shield of very lean May and hope to come to better options in June and over the summer. I hope that after looking towards being uncomfortable for so long it has reminded me how little it helps to cling to whatever formal ideas and hopes you have and just stick with the underlying passions. That being said I came across the Conversation with Amanda de cadent

and found real conversations with succesful women just the boost I needed to remind myself that no matter what how rich famous or talented there is always a lot of work and worry and frustration with the reality you have designed. SO better hop on the I love my life train now and say eff what the haters say in your head and beyond. Since newsweek is going to celebrate a diamond Jubillee, and cnn can't stop with the serial killers, and flesh easting I am going to stick with my own story of what is good and it starts with planting flowers, doing dishes and enjoying lime a ritas. it's time to leap ladies and gents. And don't forget to do some lucid dreaming because the show is about to begin. SO sit back and get your seats for TEDxMilehigh and check out the interview here

LUSTER FIRE AND SPARKLE THE RISKS AND REWARDS OF LIFE AT THE EDGE

After a month of setting up I have come back to a place in time to reevaluate and rebuild what is most dense in purpose in my life.

Last year I left SF, I made sure to stick around for TEDxSF and I have come back with TEDxMileHigh, simply because I always find my grounding and inspirations from TED. After a year I took a risk, leaving SF with nothing but 2 bags and hope, I have made friends and broken me in more ways than I could imagine but I'm still me, less afraid of parks and the wilds of desert and trees and can finally find peace away from the comforts of conversation. On the show today we will explore with Dr. Natalie Baumgartner co-founder of roundpegg.com how taking the risk is vital and that there is more risk in not challenging yourself than in staying in a rut. Jeremy Bloom the founder of seniorwish.org Talks about what a wish impact study is and how it can change your life. And Woody Roseland speaks about surviving and thriving with comedy. My takeaway with this show and my mantra for the summer is it is riskier to not do anything than to try, it is 2012 and if not now when? Also I'm going to burningman, and I'm feeling pretty gambling oriented my home is in the heart and all my little moments are pretty great so eventually it will pile up to spectacular. SO to the beginning again!

It's raining Diamonds on Neptune

Shifting the paradigm is often faster than you think. It only takes a moment and then you are changed if you allow yourself to accept what is new and just go with it. This week I cleansed by taking some water that is meant to clean up your system and guess what? my body churned and burned and exiled past grievances from my diet.... it was not fun, but it was what I guess I had intentioned. The only surprise was that it worked so well. In other shift in perspective news Happy 4:20 I am thrilled to see the return of the physcadelic and the use of medical cannabis, since the War on Drugs is not really even possible and the black market that is created is far more dangerous, than teaching people to use recreationally and responsibly and quality control and the lack of taxabale income, or the use of hemp as an industrial product safer more effective than paper or cotton or corn oil, well I'm sure you know the facts and if you don't know well then here is a hint of the basics.

I also decided to not be as polarized by my exile in poverty in the country and tried, tried to enjoy the quiet grace of humble abode for a spell, also and this is my favorite is I created a safe word with my mother. I like most people have parental issues, usually in regards to boundaries and patterns of personality reflecting in the same conversations rehashed, she wants me to want something in the way that she wants something - over the years we have eroded certain subjects to the brink of complete barren but still the core problem is still there which is that we are fundamentally different in our approach to problems. And this week I was able to push a safe word to her... "Tulip" I lurched from the depths of my throat. And explained that this must be the end of this conversation because we are on a road to nowhere except abusing each others time and patience, and in my desperate cry out much like in the context of a normal "safe word" she stopped. And since then we get back to the desert I simply call out Tulip and she knows we are done. I feel that this success could be applied to all relationships by taking an objectified stance to a highly emotional state through a safe word is empowering me to engage back in the conversation because I no longer feel that it will just lead to the dessert of demands. The take away: respecting others does not serve unless you can respect your own needs.

Do catapillirs know they have this amazing future ahead of them?

Some days suck. Not for any good reason, if only you want more freedom to do more of exactly as you please. Your mind can beat you up with a lot "if onlys". This recovery process is so slow with the lack of connection between my able working and not working self can do. Being in the country with no fun money and wheels, well it leaves me with the option to read and write and blog and watch movies, is this really so bad? But it is lacking in glamour for sure. My confidence in the clarity of my skills gets questioned as I'm not snapped up with my extensive experience in everything. Yet it is a time for change so why would I be anxious to stand in line to join the party? Today I toured the 25 most awesome libraries of the world

thanks Flavorwire. kept flipping through my Atlas of Atlantis and discovered Mu, thought to be a mother culture to Egypt and the Maya and perhaps has these ancient texts that would serve as the basis for how the hieroglyphs of both cultures evolved out of nowhere.

And I felt a connection a deep long longing like there was a home there not just because snakes have been talking to me in my dreams for a while now, or that I dream of watery worlds or just know that there is something much older and wiser than what I am looking at in my day to day, I also picked up the revised copy of alchemy and the 9 dimensions and If I have not made it clear that it is very important reading for everyone. IT IS. I enjoyed the Daily show from last night which featured an economist Robert Relch talking at length about the sham this country is in and that it takes the will of the people to create the teeth to bite the corporate hand that feeds the pig. I made a veggie chili with soyrizo and had a slice of homemade chocolate cake with berry topping, my favorite. Last night I did the 1st show and caught up with 1st Class DJ and all around good chap William Wardlaw I still look for real jobs, feel guilty I'm not pumping gas or waiting tables but my health is really not there to do those obvious things perhaps I should be more comfortable with this time spent in a spiritually supported if not lucritive space. Eff it whose time table am I on besides the Universal to be more active. I have a new HOT THOUGHT

Time to begin!

Well I'm excited and nervous,

Today I begin the journey again, finding the relevance and guests and the voice to represent the frustrated and the hopeful, I keep this flame alive in my heart because I know that I can find love and dignity joy and passion, peace and compassion and Grace. This is going to be fun and each moment I will pledge to you that we will stay authentic build meaning and quest for the excellence in all of the guests and god times that lay ahead in the hard work that I pour into this project to stick with quality to be honest and open and bring you the awesome people stories and ideas that the flame is meant for. Let's do this! It's 2012 and the time has come. A little treat from yesterdays TED finds

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News you can use!

With the return of the show next week I will be focusing on what the electronica movement in music as it is my love love love and that there is a Party I will be attending for the old sckoolers that were around in the 90s a classic rave is coming, hopefully with some interviews and we will explore the culture of rave and what it means now and how it evolved. In the meantime I also read 2 very interesting articles that I'd like to post as I'm sure I will mention them. One is stem cell break through with HIV and the other is a simple solution to birth control, namely mens non- hormonal cheap effective and reversabile birth control that is not being used in the US but is common practice in the 3rd world. I mention this as that I want to keep focusing on the news that is helpful that we as a civilization are actually interested in problem solving and that it is vital that this information is demanded to be know and used so that we stop ignoring the obligations of our problems and the expensive band-aids attached but move on to the lifestyle that is afforded when we are not spent chasing bad ideas into dark alleys to be robbed and beaten to an inch of a bleary life of disease and baby-mama drama. maybe if the GOP would get behind the Men's birth control there would be a lot more time spent campaigning on problems that they could fix.

Jazzzzzz Hands Cultural Rehab has a voice and a home AGAIN!

Wow so here is some news I can use! I am with a show again which is good because honestly this is something that gives me a feeling of place and purpose, So coming soon is Post303 radio willbe hosting me and I will get back to having a regularity of feed and fodder to rave and rile for. I'm going to delve into local music chatting with DJs producers, artists, writers, wellness experts, how do they find the sweet spot of inspiration and balance to being a Urban yogi, or do they. There will be an onslaught of ideas kicked around and opinions on finding coping and thriving as an artist and as a community.l Im so excitied I want to Shout.

Easter and my finding my spiritual job.

This week was my birthday

and with being the aries comes the imaculate timing of feeling refreshed and reflective while nature herself springs to life again. So as I start to shake away the gloom of a wary winter of sorrow and stigma of survival instead of thriving I was thwarting. After a big year of upheaval and healing and challenging myself in love and nature and physical endurance and literally crash landing in my home town to rehash and revive the well worn ways of Denver comforts and limitations. My age old Denver question yeah it's a great town but how do I get paid to live here and don't I want to play with big kids? My ambitions to be a coastal girl, I could get paid to do what I love. It's that simple. Or is it? In my birthday week I was unable to do my job or so I thought because my car broke down, and I had a mad men party that only my closest friends attended it was fun and intimate, I went dancing and was on the floor as they played classic hip hop, it was mostly white boys singing along and bouncing around trying to grind on the ladies it was a drunken bumble but it was happy enough. Brunch was on a patio overlooking the mountains and that felt more church like than any sermon I would have sat through to remind myself of rebirth. I watched the Passion of the Christ

and finally felt some connection to the story of Jesus, I have always appreciated his message of love and compassion, but to see him endure suffering at the demand of the public and the connection that a mother and child has gave me a sense of humbling to what my life's work is and should be about and why I am always at odds with what I am going to do with my day, and how do I wish to be rewarded for my actions and talents and if I even seek out to best use them. Does anyone? Is this what would heal the world? Nourishing my spiritual worker seems more and more a priority but in truth it has always been hungry, and never was satisfied by the usual fare. So back to the drawing board I go determined to keep carving at the things that bring me peace of mind and know that they will find a way to a peace with my wallet.

Time keeps on tickin tickin into the Future

Spring! new ideas, new horizons, new hopes and dreams. In 2012 there is a light and a sense of time as in NOW NOW NOW let's get r done.

SO yes can we start to make the changes in our own lives to be more activated in our own content. I wrote down things that make me happy, things that I want to happen and how to pray or ask for these things how to be grateful and in control of my attitude to not feel anxious and overwhelmed by all the many short comings of my self and the culture that is disappointing me. I wonder about why The Huger Games has such sway or john carter but ultimately it serves as a warning to not be passive in your life but to be activated and involved in your own outcome. I keep searching for my honesty to be fair but opportunist in saying I want something and really opening my mind to making it happen. Today I was shown 2 options with getting a car and in my assumption, I did not follow through with the kind of magnanimous demand of ownership that allowed me to get the thing I was surprised by as a real solution to my problem. The reality now is that I have what was an obvious band aid- but not a silver bullet. My point dear friends: grab it. I hear people talking of how everything is going to get fixed and wrongs will be righted all I know is that everyday is the chance to untangle this web of crap that has been spun by you and the powers that be it has been a tango of foilospohy. I'm over it. And so I return to the things I love. and the life I lead to care for the things I love to do and person I want to be. Getting older I guess.
New to read on my library list

Fallout for International Womens Day- Peace be with you Bitch. l

So as I ramp up out of the fogg of pain bruise and blow of ego.... and wildly face my birthday and question my desires needs accomplishments and as a women in her early 30s single smart and without any ties, in the midst of the tornado of womens rights being microscopted and kicked like a hacky sac on a college campus in the ring of politco. I wonder what culture should I look to for inspiration for a Independent women with a healthy role in sweetly spicy sexual equality. I was inflamed over the panel for contraception being all men, it seems that only religious men have a useful opinion on womens reproduction, or designing a ultra sound wand..... and Rush that glob of foolery, those were expectaed and obvious but, it was Daniel Pinchbeck that posted on his FB how he thought that women had become well here is the post "I find women entirely complicit in the corruption and degradation of our contemporary civilization. If they were to stop sharing their bodies and giving their energy to men who do nothing to uplift humanity or sustain the biosphere - or men who betray their word and commitments - the system would collapse in on itself in a heartbeat. I believe women have no moral high ground generally, though of course some individuals do. I would love to see a female uprising as in that Ancient Greek comedy where no favors would be distributed until men came to their senses, ended ways and behaved according to an ethical framework that would support the preservation of the earth and the elevation of humanity as a whole. Of course I won't hold my breath for this, but there you have it." I flew into a rage, wondering why this man would somehow feel that women using pussy power would be an answer to men being corrupted as if that was not the reason perhaps for the problem, like women don't get enough abuse in relationships with bad men, all these years and so many women have been silenced with rape and beaten and burnt and bleed, in western world how long has it been that women could wear pants, own land, vote, divorce for mistreatment, earn an equal wage, or be given a fair price, or treated respectfully in negotioations. And here was another "feminist guy" still pointing at greece and saying ladies you should be more responsible for the problems that men cause by just even standing next to them.

Is it not enough that a women does not get the luxury of love for the price of nmotherhood, that she is expected to do the job of five and never say " Eff you, I want more! or Bitch Please.... make your own dinner, buy your own detergent. Fill out your own paperwork. I have never heard of a women spending 10 hrs playing video games while unemployed. "if not a guy was involved". I see the mothers on the bus with the strollers, the girls strutting down the streets in gaggles in shorts to short or skirts to

tight or heels to high, I see the women in suits to square. And I feel like an orange..... zesty and bright and juicy but this is an apple world.... What is the American women doing? What is the celebration of women in all the other cultures? I want to take the guilt out of the equation. I want to own my joy and not have to apologize for my ambitions, and maybe instead of men being intimaded by a women that can be independent men can be impassioned by her. And as for the using pussy power to make a man play nice I think we should send him to burning man or a big cuddle fest because that is probablly what he was missing in his childhood that made him so mean and silly anyway. This summer at the tree I read this

and it was great.... a testimony to how many smart powerful ladies have spent most of their lives being passed over and hung out to dry....

So why does Daniel and really everyone go Greek when looking for a simpler better time.... women didn't have any power then - and today I watched a thing on Petra hosted by Spock. Women could own land in this once thriving city...

notice the flower of life symbol everywhere..... anyway I'm intrigued by this desert city that feels like it has a deeper story to tell..... I think that we should get better at being loving with eachother more so when we get off the path.