Do catapillirs know they have this amazing future ahead of them?

Some days suck. Not for any good reason, if only you want more freedom to do more of exactly as you please. Your mind can beat you up with a lot "if onlys". This recovery process is so slow with the lack of connection between my able working and not working self can do. Being in the country with no fun money and wheels, well it leaves me with the option to read and write and blog and watch movies, is this really so bad? But it is lacking in glamour for sure. My confidence in the clarity of my skills gets questioned as I'm not snapped up with my extensive experience in everything. Yet it is a time for change so why would I be anxious to stand in line to join the party? Today I toured the 25 most awesome libraries of the world

thanks Flavorwire. kept flipping through my Atlas of Atlantis and discovered Mu, thought to be a mother culture to Egypt and the Maya and perhaps has these ancient texts that would serve as the basis for how the hieroglyphs of both cultures evolved out of nowhere.

And I felt a connection a deep long longing like there was a home there not just because snakes have been talking to me in my dreams for a while now, or that I dream of watery worlds or just know that there is something much older and wiser than what I am looking at in my day to day, I also picked up the revised copy of alchemy and the 9 dimensions and If I have not made it clear that it is very important reading for everyone. IT IS. I enjoyed the Daily show from last night which featured an economist Robert Relch talking at length about the sham this country is in and that it takes the will of the people to create the teeth to bite the corporate hand that feeds the pig. I made a veggie chili with soyrizo and had a slice of homemade chocolate cake with berry topping, my favorite. Last night I did the 1st show and caught up with 1st Class DJ and all around good chap William Wardlaw I still look for real jobs, feel guilty I'm not pumping gas or waiting tables but my health is really not there to do those obvious things perhaps I should be more comfortable with this time spent in a spiritually supported if not lucritive space. Eff it whose time table am I on besides the Universal to be more active. I have a new HOT THOUGHT

working in the yellow

This wonderful weekend was a test, often I have limited reserves of energy but I kept strong to wanting to be aware of what Zeitgeist was and the importance of this time as a culture and a planet and for me at 30 trying to find a resolution to what I am meant to do to make myself the person that is who I truly want to be. This morning I watched Susan Sarandon address the chilled and exhausted wisconsins who are battling the front line of our democracy as we know it. And I stood today very comfortable in my warm room unable to ride a bus to sac but unwilling to ignore the tatters of our education system either. In my English class, we will be reading Happier a bright Yellow best seller that oddly enough is a work book for what happy is, since in the preface it says that we are richer and unhappier now than we were in 1960 and that is also across the ponds as well. Timing is perfect right? Atlantis has been rediscovered of the coast of Spain as suspected for a long long time.... and Japan is under complete and utter shutdown. Clearly the changes will naturally be made but this is a process not easy, but I am honored to simply feel I am (we are this is) holding the space for what might be the turn around.
So a great quote "simplicity is the ultimate sophistication" Leo Da Vinci. Over the weekend there was a lot of talk on how we do this and I was amazed at how relieved everyone was that there were more people that felt as confused as they did. And itching to get started however, there is still a lot of healing to do.... still a lot of cultural tattoo, and as Sonya Sophia taught me on the show and in her class is that we have a lot of negative associations with the word "Love" and have this sense of well that is cheesy and there fore dismissive of Graditude Journals and being trusting, but the truth is of course there are walls you are not happy as a rehearsed set of rules to be unhappy, so when you are given tools to be happy with they at first are seen as stupid. We are afraid to be happy. Our inner nagger would then lose power. Our inner nagger is going to fight for the right to control you daily. It is time to fight back.