The December Issue and my 150th post Big Beautiful and Full of WONDER

Within my magical pink castle studio I have been lounging all weekend! My fair weather friend policy kicks in at less than 10 degrees and since it has been coasting around 1degree I have sought out the luxury of "me time". Thankfully I have salmon bites with spicy tomato soup, amazing guac and black mole chicken sandwiches, ripe pears and raspberries and some emergency lobster tail should I be inclined and more tea than any English house could offer. I have been having an indoor picnic! You should try it! I have Hulu and Netflix and a very interesting book on Druid sex magic and Mayan Myths, so Don't cry for me Argentina, and in fact that is the point, while my finances are grim my spirit is sailing. I have 2 weeks left of school I am in love with programming and media and have been finding inspirations amidst the ruins of my romantic notions I have great friends and loving old lovers... so clearly there is something to celebrate. This blog is now 150 posts in so much in the style of a big grand inspirational issue I am taking my cue's from the Empress herself Diana Vreeland which in case you have not been steeped in her magic the Doc is on Netflix instant and is the ultimate dazzling ride through the 20th century. I have been deeply inspired by this article which simply states go get what you want because there is nothing else to do but sit on your rump. SO let's check in with what has come of 2013? Well I think there has been a lot of progress and the burden of quiet desperation seems to fragile to hold out come 2014 and beyond. Greed itself has gotten greedy and in an effort to scrooge every last cent, or shred of common good it has shut down a government and tantrumed itself into a corner that is by omission of even the Pope unChristian/Catholic. Also who does not love the new guy Team Francis! And about the role of media and entertainia in our lives, yes it feels really Hunger Games/Elysium in this bitch but that is a story that is even being told and given to the masses which is an important piece to the beginning of creating work that has beauty and meaning and substance. Mrs Vreeland thought outside the box she gave women roles that were fun and empowering and celebrated all forms of beauty and talent and personality and passion, and as I have often said that is exactly where we need to go thinking of our own adventures and dreaming of solutions to solve our problems and to enjoy the lives we are given because we make them either valuable or expendable. Paul Walker was a handsome b actor he was also a single dad and was a true philanthropist, I had no idea the work that he did for relief to victims of the tsunami and beyond, and Nelson Mandela to whom touched and inspired millions by embodying sacrifice and the relentless pursuit of equality My humble salute to the extraordinary souls that give when they could take, that speak in silence and that hold the light for the long road ahead. So why don't you: troll kickstarter and donate in your friends names? Makeup crazy fortunes and give them to friends at random this holiday party season. That great idea you had for a play... write it! have picnics on your floor. Procrastination is the ultimate demise of greatness and you have no more time savor the wine, watch SOMM, demand GM to make this car:

Or if you are in NYC have some tea and Biscuits to herald the Triumphant return of Downton Abbey And though the goldiebox debacle went viral for using a beastie boys track

This is 4th grade girls teaching kindergarten buddies to code. #HourofCode Add caption

 Also Trans Fat is on the way out !

Add there might be hope for our Bees after all 

Why Don't you make this kind of family tradition

Why Don't you make this kind of family tradition

Dream! It is a magical world and a sexy NutCracker of boys and girls is good for everybody

Because this could be nap time

The point is this is now happening:

SO this should be a result

Makin it a blockbuster night, Zen and the art of planned obsolecence and other tales of surving Mercury Retrograde

Another massive corporate disrupt has shuttered down to a footnote in history. The Big yellow and blue box store that offered so many little boxes of happiness, cheaper than the movies and the perfect date to end in your favor. What most strikes me was the marketing, how do you make it a blockbuster night, google it, and have a coke. The relentless significance of your time being defined by corporate America. My weekends have never been warrior so movie night has kinda been my repose from the city stomping I do, but the result is the same (Thank Heavens, it's time to unwind.) Entertainia has evolved though, and I had to disable my netflix account for awhile at least because I just kept marathoning my way through series, and my 2 hour night becomes a couple of weekends where I am completely imersed, and I became worried that my creative output was stuttering from all the options and all the self-inflicted catching up I had to do? Make it a netflix weekend I guess became culturally norm. I started having awful nightmares after I locked in to a junket of 3 seasons of Dexter's murderous rage vigilante. But as this streaming occurs I am reminded how mighty Blockbuster and Tower Records and Sears has been, but our taste changes and like it or not the planned novelty and eventually obsolescence of radios, and television, and taxis, all lead forever onward to more footnotes to history. Whatever I can claim to be a part of by way of entertainment and technology is but a ghost on a sandy beach. Like the Romans to the British, to Americans and back to the Chinese.... Can you take comfort in this wheel of death to anything that has a moment in the sun? I'm trying not freak out even when I lost my job for no real reason on the 1st day of Mercury Retrograde. I calmly skipped into all my social plans and even with no real solution I wobbled my way forward because there is a zen in my bones that has settled from a lifetime of calamity. Also I found the most stupendously well suited companion, in a fervor of bubbles sugar sex and magic that resulted in his rigorously avoiding me. Le Sigh- unfolding that shadow of do we not all want to be happy? Cuddle up on a wintry night to dinner and a movie? The simplified task of making your life beautiful in your work, your relationships, and in your food and your sex? Do we not all need comfort and support? Did I not fit that bill? Communicating gratitude in a sparkling moment flickering away. These are the Hunger Games I guess. Each comfort we take in each other and in our stories is a look away from solving any of the problems we face. One day WalMart will also be a footnote... Required Viewing : I made this for my mobile apps as I am awkwardly straddling the design of less with more for better. I get so sick of stuff though. My love / hate relationship with the everything of creation, the movies, the books, the clothes, the music, the toys, and yet my inner monk sits patiently by the river waiting for me to let go.

This is my new soothing zen force: not surprisingly I want one. Yeash. Trapped like a trap in a trap. On the another note Lily Allen has offered up an extraordinary quandary of making an anthem of a song with the most uninspired video that reinforces the very essence of what she is doggedly trying to expose? (My Kingdom for some authenticity) for your consideration: I myself might have highlighted who really does twerking at zumba class, or the girl working at Starbucks for tips when a stripper comes in and pays for her 5$ coffee in 1s. Or maybe something like this: or this: My life is a blur of parties and beautiful people and ideas and making the best, but I still curl up in my little shoebox and long for the something I can never keep.

Dizzy Monsters : the inevitable evolution

This post has been haunting me. Like a spider in the corner, the tension in the air but I am adrift to harness my fears and instead claim a rational template to focus a forseable future. I pause in cocoon long enough to realize that this steel trap is not my resting post and that it is time to shatter my silence. Thank You to the mysterious Law of time thirteen moon calendar that appeared on my desk, or me finally having a night off. You see I have been cradled by the universe to shift my life into 3 projects -

programming, rehab, jazz. I have been wary of you internet as you are filled with the mind numbing facts that there is no logic in this place, and there has not been for possibly ever, I wonder why I am surprised that I expect a system to function how do I know of such things? I've been lighting candles with great success, for me personally but to what path do we go?

This government shutdown is such a farce a greed pride fueled epidemic of hysteria I am at a loss to the point of surrender and by that I mean to let them hang themselves my self preservation is no longer triggered - I call their bluff. I am at peace knowing that there is no return for them, that there greed will destroy them and many others and that implosion will be the basis for a redesign that will be in the hands of the youth that has seen the damage isolationism causes. It might get worse, oh well. It will get better at some point. Whatevs. Gravity pulls reality hence we will see some very dizzy monsters soon. I was reminded of this torch of sound. haunting and spot on.






The Catholic Church has only taken 2000 years to find a guy that practices what was preached: priests should marry,

atheiests are cool, gays who is he to judge? no designer duds. Holy Crap suddenly Catholicism has a little light and humanity to it. Team Francis!

My hope is that this will take a little venom out of the collective stew, leaving those that are hate filled to be exposed without the shelter of a GOD that judges. So does this mean the advancement of women finding roles that are not strictly saint or sinner? And men that will embrace that? I discovered this and it was a bit of a revelation on how the coming evolution of men are going to no longer look towards weapons, and gold bathtubs for peace of mind. I had a sad conversation with an artistic seemingly intelligent male but alas he seemed to be suffering from the idea that sex gets boring with the same partner, which is why he is a serial cheater and this spills into every other aspect of his life whether or not he admits it. Could it be that we are slaves to entertainment than to pleasure, sex is about pleasure and will never be satisfied or achieved if stopping short on the intellectual whimsy of a caked on cultureprobe steering tween you and your love. Sex is being! I shrugged, secretly relieved that I had dodged that bullet.
 I keep coming back to this idea of a dizzy monster, something terrible and vulnerable, a dangerous percipitation if ever there was one. But that might birth elegance out of nessecatiy, we have passed the edge of reason and are spinning with  arms out all blood and tears and sick the book of gravity looming over the tense spider.
Keep Pushing past the irrational fears, the tumbling worries, the calamaty of comforts.
When nothing seems to help I look at a stonecutter, hammering at his rock maybe a hundred times without even a crack to show, and the 101 will split it in 2, know that it was not the blow that did it but all the work that had gone before. And now for a little real cultural curiosity: The magnimarvelous Leslie Hall:

Vixens, Vamps, Vivas, and Vikings: the alter ego and celestial intervention

What a time of Make Manifest! While sifting through the remains of my slutosphere I have found that my drenched passions have aired and I am resolved to more engaging prospects, my plate for projects and the long view are reflecting in nearly every shiny surface available. This reflection has led to the contemplation in my roles I have played in my relationships and to myself, who I am to me. My evolution from viking (take what you want and burn the rest) to vamp (intentional mischief) to vixen (unapologetic sultry)to viva (zeitgeist extraordinaire)has been a burning rainbow of acceptance for my awkward sharp place in the world. Letting the playful goofball Betty rest in ageless sleep in a tower far from loving eyes. As most women easily navigate the demands of Betty, I relentlessly cultivate my veronica against my squeaky desires to embrace simplicity. I am amazed as I examine the open exchange of Betty's clamoring to be liked and accepted; I cringe as I overhear her batting eyelashes and exposed feelings. And yet I leak with hope that I to will have it all: love, respect, security. The embattled women over the ages as she finds any societal acceptance in her pursuit of happiness has been a footnote to history. This year in post Mayan Apocalypse though the wheels keep turning the direction seems to be changing and women most certainly must find their inner alter ego to offset the carbon footprint of their induced roles as sister, mother, wife, and explore her identity outside of the "relationship" but as an activist, a poet, an inventor, a philosopher, the shackles of the pursuit of beauty as the price of happiness is an illusion. This article sparked my imagination on the power of the term "witch". The tide of women's issues and the glowing possibility of a madam president is inspiring during this time of squeeze, but this pressure is a last ditch effort and will be the motivation for change. I watched the Pussy Riot film at the fundraiser for Titwrench festival Once again it is as masked avengers are we free to speak the truth, I wonder that if it were males would this have been the international scandal.... But it was women and they were exploring using sexuality as empowerment, anger as message, and anonymity as tool. A must see to prepare for what is to come on the ideological battlefield as the old man dies and we burn his throne. (Be nervous future King George the last one was not so popular). So part of the extremes of Vamps and Vixens is their sexual comfort, Mae West was smart, funny, beautiful and was not shy about her taste in men, and lifestyle she wrote and produced and starred and was the top earner in her day and she was relegated to caricature, why? What is the demand for a good girl? What is the makeup of a good girl anyway, by what standards have set or scale to? Is this what feeds rape culture?????? Is it fair that robin thicke and his band of merry married men can write a song about blurred lines that might be playful with his wife but when played at a club has a different context. The male fantasy is well established as healthy and wildly popular from the 100,000,000 views on you tube, but objectifying men is an awkward place where cougars go to fade into cat ladies. Nonetheless for your consideration:

 In other news on the insight and fixing of women's sexuality exhibit b :

 Perhaps it is this celestial fancy occurrence that is kicking up the dust:

for more click here This Is The Big One We've All Been Waiting For : The Grand Sextile Planetary Aspects and Tzolkin Correspondences for the Cosmic Moon 2013 Aloha Planetary Kin: this is your Cosmic skywatcher, Randy Bruner, Blue Cosmic Hand, coming to you from 19.5° on the Big Island of Hawaii. These are epic times in which we are living and this Cosmic Moon is no exception to that. The Maya were avid skywatchers. To them the axiom “As above, so below.” was how they lived their lives. They watched the dynamic of the planets moving across the sky and lived their life accordingly. As I write this we are in the central column of the Tzolkin in the Mirror Wavespell. It is the Summer Solstice day, Yellow Spectral Star, " I dissolve in order to beautify." I'm finding seemingly endless order of correspondences of the planetary aspects and the Tzolkin. I will attempt to condense them for transmission to you. This Cosmic Moon, the last of the 7 Mystic Moons, contains an awesome set of planetary movements and aspects, which correlate very closely to the Dreamspell version of the Tzolkin. The outer planets move very slowly and are already in position as the inner planets move into aspects with them. Just after Galactic Synchronization, on the 4th day of the Magnetic Moon, July 29, 2013, the planets will form an almost exact Grand Sextile. The Grand Sextile also includes two Grand Trines. These are all very positive and harmonious aspects completely surrounding the planet in a Sacred Geometric configuration. This is an awesome alignment of the planets in the solar system emcompassing the Earth in the geometry of a Stargate.

So I guess what I am saying is that the reboot is upon us, and I think it is gonna be amazing if we only show up for it  no (alter ego mask necessary). 

Poetry! Prohibition! and Pleasing (the pulse of July)

Maybe it is the unrelenting heat that makes you relish each tiny pause of shade, each sip of cool, each tease of touch, but I must admit that at a personal level I have found an even Kiel of my deep indulgences in late night shenanigans. I've taken up whiskey again, mixed with pineapple and cider, you have a comet of swoon for all things lovely. So as I embrace a samba of summer a handful of lovely lovers and a hurricane of booze and words, I am reminded of the guiding force of poetry.

Finding the time to dwell on word paintings seems like a luxury that would naturally come from all the automated conveniences of life; after all that was the plan right?  We will all have time to read and write poetry about our deepest passions and pains, if we make washing machines and microwaves and computers to do our mundane drudgery? The 21st century has not been kind to the prospect of poetry, however I guess you could argue that multi media allows for density, but I have been reminded that there is no substitute for quiet ponderings.
The extraordinary occurrence of conversation with a stranger wearing an anatomical heart t shirt dusted the shelves in my brain for abstracts and meanings folded into phrases, A POET! admittedly so and not a teenage boy with Robert Smith hair no less! We flickered over the ages and reasons and I am still riveted by "the way we access art hasn't evolved" we exchanged opportunities to experience the other's work and so this week I cracked into a slender volume of "pohems" Strange Dialect, by Tim Galligan. With in the one stanza of WIT I stopped and exhaled as the entire idea and it's precise incisions released a capsule of tension and I inhaled the rest of his work, evading the sentiment of love but xraying it, noticing each chip in bone. Thanks Tim for giving me a microscope to view the whispers. Perhaps I am glad that there is nothing interesting on TV, save my beloved True Blood, but it has been pulling teeth to find the interest to watch a feature, and for what ever reason I chose Prohibition the Ken Burns doc and reeled with intensity at the empathy I felt towards the prohibition movement which I'm sure you can imagine has always been a foggy foe. I had never taken into account exactly how miserable it must have been to have a drunk husband spend an entire pay check on a Saturday night and have nothing for your children and to be beaten within an inch of your life and have no recourse but the resolve that it might not be a long life or that you might be single in heaven. A dark matter turd

thudded into my chest as I felt the weight of the hopeless stirrings of exhaustive struggle in a lawless senseless land. The realization was that it has always been bullshit, and we have always been 2nd class citizen's governed by fathers and husbands to shut up smile and keep birthin' babies. Women have demanded choice and have been fought with every tooth, nail, and any means necessary to keep their rib broken. But each generation demands more and Texas will go blue over it. We needed prohibition when women couldn't leave, but now we can leave and we can over come and we will and everyone knows it and that's what you have been afraid of all along. The rampant corruption of 2500 years will be reckoned and their might be a hatchet involved.
 While on the subject I would like to be proactive and say that I am in a slut phase, that's right I have started indulging in my desires, it seems that as a single woman in her 30s that got out of an intense 5 years with a man, and then went on to readjust after 2 years in a quiet lonely place I hear and repond to my body again and I make no apologies, for my modified search for some sacred relationship, I am no longer on the mountain top, but a woman with no baggage and no regrets and so before the slut shaming that might come from the outer lands to make me feel small just take a little peak at how silly slut shaming is from the other side. Thanks Jon Hamm for having a nice bulge, it would seem very frustrating that everyone is sexualizing you instead of seeing you for who you are and your talents. On the other side of the coin you have this :


On a lighter note I have been swimming in a recovery vat of pleasure that can only be expressed with this song, I recommend heavy rotation for full effect. Also singin': singin' in the rain in the rain can and will make you a better person , just sayin'.

PS Cultural Crusade: Fine environmental crusading Gasland 2
GASLAND 2 HBO trailer from JFOX on Vimeo.
and the East are both important moments in the tyranny of insanity and the poison of compromising for the profit. And I swear I will get to see How to make money selling Drugs. Also Hooray Oregon! You have joined the higher education of empathy: 

Playing fierce! Some visual deluxe to enjoy for a humpday.

Good Evening well LOVE WINS! At least it is a start, and that Wendy Davis would make a fine Texas Govenor, don't you think? I suppose I could go on about the joy of equality that will be ringing in the states that have equal marriage laws or the amazing Federal approval, but I think that it really just ballons to big to feel the future so bright, lets move on to fixing the voter act, decriminalizing no violent crimes consentual crimes, saying no to Tar Sands and Fracking, shutting down Monsanto, forgiving student debt and reinvesting to education, arts, sciences, and environment, and staying the Fuck out of Syria! So here is a series of lush fantastics to fever your dreams and plump your desires.
Bon Apetit!
curious:
awesome: rally:

Comando and the illusion of Protection

It is a very brief moment for connection, that vital contract of understanding that boasts words and ideas and balloons under the ego of RIGHT. Tonight I have tousled with a soldier regarding beliefs about war and music (it's all crap because of over production, or so I was told) I was given a pass( as I was a useful mind and it needed protection) once again there was presented an "enemy", an evil out to do me wrong (maybe), I argued that I fear not death and I would not be swayed by the desire of safety, by boots or guns or anything that did not involve engaging a stranger in their values. Tonight I recommit to my needs. Finding my voice, though I know that my slender pursuits of drinking and raucous behaviour at clubs and bars and late night trysts with those that do not compel love but mutual affection for simplicity and physical comfort, well I am not ashamed! I am human and though striving for a singular greatness under a stream of evolutionary glamor of art and beauty, even though it is the poison milk of so many before me, my drunken sad clowns tapping the words out, a Morris code for affection. These words are my talent and not my skill but I humbly submit that my eagerness to compress truisms into my chatter in late nights, on bus rides, in the pauses of life is not enough to find peace or reference to my own clarity. I admit that I need you audience, for my clarity is only based on reflections, and I need the night to swim my understanding in. I have a home, a job, a friend with benefits, I am an adult and drink my orange juice form the carton with out regret! This is my solitary chant, but I soften to the chance to awaken a mind to a larger moment in time where meaning is possible, when design is function and you are crafted as whole. Dear reader I am on as quest for skills to reflect my talent and this blunder of jabbering is an offering to the muses that I am not lost to the safe world of speech and affectionate exchanges that I can not trace, but to whimsy of a freedom to express beyond a tailored outcome for individual extraordinary. I offer my bosom to be motor boated by all. I am not these words for you but with you. I am not safe, I am thriving by grace and a desperate melancholy overcome. My people, demand your skill! Demand your relevance! There is no safety in guns, in relationships, in jobs, in dreams, But there is an unfolding illumination to which I will read these words again. Thank You night, Thank you rogue thinkers, thank you orgasms that shattered my identity for that brief glimpse to compassions beyond my obvious. Thank you super moon.

Unfolding DaVinci discovering your Dandylion, It's Champagne Wishes and BusbyBerkley Dreams. A Tribute to Innovation.

In spite of "The America" going crazy, it has been a rich and lush weekend filed with blossoms of beauty and creative spark. Somewhere regaining my vision has opened my field of wonder again as I gear up for a fever of fun.

So DaVinci has been on my radar, when feeling rather slumpy amid the news of a crumbling America and in the middle of a wintery April I found the only thing that held my interest was a new show called DaVinci's Demons. It was steamy and soapy and super entertaining but mostly it brought about the "engineering a dream" question to me. How do you find the diligence and cunning to find the grease, to make the journey, to get to B. Convincing others that your Vision is perfect for the here and now is heavy in my heart, but I type it out and still keep my dedication to work and know that luck will eventually win (luck being the culmination of being where you need to be because you earned it doing what you want to do because you love it.) As my Sunday Funday playdate downtown and I unfolded from brunch to shopping and I was honest and said would you mind if we stopped at ..... well we passed the Da Vinci exhibit which I had bought 2-4-1 tickets to last year and had always wanted to go, it was the final day and the final tour was starting = had to.

 So This is my post from earlier but it was inspiration and it felt sad sitting on the digital shelf, and so I will revisit my fascination with dandelion, the sunny under appreciated in the americas "weed", which is destroyed every year with millions of dollars worth of pesticides; odd considering it was thought to be so precious that it was brought here by the northern Europeons because of all it's prized medicinal value, the bitternessis cleansing of the blood and the kidneys. Anyway the point is that something so determined and resiliant is probally a friend rather than an enemy just like that other weed that has so many uses.

And then there is this magic delight:

Kikki for one (midterms for my Jesus Year. )

Maybe it is a ritual, the river of sadness floods and after another week survived and sometime sparkled, I am awash with dissatisfaction, and nothing will do. My mind shreds each possibility of the nights entertainment, until I am naked weeping and delivering my sufferings to my Universal Benefactor. The story goes something like this; I do not know why I am still here, I do not know how I am to help if this is a place that does not know what to do with me, I can no longer stand the marveling distant "pat on the back"  it is haunting to be more intimate with strangers able to understand their quiet inner prism of desires effortlessly, and only to find comfort in the comfort I bring to others which is only in the deepest throws of random insertions that i can never predict. The mind numbing waiting I have done, and still time keeps on, jailed am I. And  then my heart flutters and I am refreshed, the river has been restored. I wonder, is that is why I have this life? because I am so quick to heal, so quick to forget, forgive or farewell?

I often lose connection to my words, struggle to make the time for my own musings, so well entertained by external impressions and chasing the purpose and the random insertions, but today I am recommitted to the process. I am humbled to be so indulgent in my own inner workings and to expose them here, although one could say it is once again my predilection for intimacy with strangers but this space was created as an expression of my desire to dig deeper into the process of transformation and I find that I am only cured by my own honesty, and I am relieved of the burden of brainswim and clogged intentions.

This year has been a exhibition of failures and pardons, and though I stand recklessly poised to continue in failed attempts at coupling, coding, earning, I will soldier on. Oh yeah that is why I'm here the inevitable rally.

Last month I did the Monsanto protest and it was elating, at some point I chimed in my voice mixing with others as we took to the mall and then up into traffic, fearless and solid in purpose, often met with confusion by the bystanders and occasionally solidarity. There is so much to be done so much to fight for, and I wondered if I am ever allowed to slump from exhaustion as things seem so far from divine meaning.

These broken wheels of government and corporate influence. I have nothing to hide, please listen to the calls from my mother as she worries about my health and we battle over her justifications and my cold assertions and our inevitable laughter over the uselessness of it all.  Please listen to the student loan people once again having lost the paperwork and needing something else from me to prove I am not able to slice off my survival to the bank of no mercy. I wonder why students are treated as criminals and given the least representation yet the criminal corporate culture or just plain criminals are given more financing than a student could ever compare to. Sort through my emails to companies that are looking for someone not quite as dynamic as me.

So what is the point of this postcard from my fortress of solitude? I am bored with my rallying and the carrot, yet there is no relief and I will forget my struggle after the slut high subsides and I am back to the wheel to grind, I am here still here quietly carving into a dream and strangely I know that you are too.

Unlearning the I want what I want and other midnight confessions

A swift kick lunges me out of sleep. The breath narrowly clears and I am with out air as everything bursts electric hot sands tumbling down the dunes of my organs. What have I done? My brain won again today surpassing logic and practice drills and ate what I wanted, drank as I felt soothed my mind and did as I pleased, yet I have no excuse.... I am indulgence incarnate and I want as I want when I want it, which is a very lush way to live (on credit) Why is it not possible that I remember how unhappy food and drink can make me, that my body is sensitive and experiences all of the pains of modern diet trying valiantly to shelter me from the shock, but now is less amused and willing to teach me a lesson. What is it in my mind that allows this unhappiness to boil and fester, to think of comfort foods as deserving, even when it proves to be my misery. Clearly I am not smarter than that women that was ill dressed unable to find a shirt that adequately covered her massive belly, she looked sleepy and confused in line as if she was still in a dream, she ordered so efficiently handed over a twenty dollar bill and checked her phone, her face was rumpled and her blond hair pale and wispy, she got handed her big box and left the scene of her crimes against herself, no one stopped her.


OK I'll say it, I went to Poppeys I got 3 chicken strips, mashed potatoes, a biscuit and a Strawberry soda, and apple pies. I am a fool, and I don't know why I had to have bad food, why I thought it would make me feel better, I lived at the Tree of Life, I worked for Dr. Fung a top notch nutritional and health wellness expert in SF, why do I forget to love my body the way I would love a fragrance, or care for a friend? Today I am still deep in the maze of perception but I confess my crimes of bleary zombie headed ness, I was like that misshapen women, equally willing to endure instead of thrive and I ask myself why am I able to want what I want so well that it does not even serve me? This weekend I took the time to watch this somewhere between Game of Thrones and Glee, and I think it might have had an impact, as I feel even more aware of how often I am leaning into wanting what I want without bothering to ask why and how that really serves me. I realize this is a process to leave loves alone to wander free, but this is an examination if that is possible, this is my own accountability and I need to be able to say honestly this is why I want what I want. The century of self is an in depth BBC special that examines examining and I hope it shakes your dust as much as it did mine. Advertising done well: Dove has consistantly applied messaging to improve women's self image and I applaud them for it, so much so that might just check their label and if it is paraben free, I'll buy it. That's how this game works.

The American Spring has Sprung-

Greetings from a winter wonderland in Denver ! That's right it is April and there is sparkly white fluff dressed about the trees, and only but a couple days ago I was standing outside Beauty Bar in a light jacket thinking how great things are going to be and that there is some glimmer of lovely that is in store.... and then the "N" word erupted and a scuffle of shoving a rolley polley man away from the club, it could have been a brief awkward moment but it relapsed, the young black man had been called the "N" word by a white/ Hispanic? very fat very drunk guy with glasses and the young black man was inconsolable and shouted how dare he and that was his word and that man had no right. Now I did not witness the actual original name calling or the context and I certainly understand someone saying something out of place, or having the right to be offended but this young man spent about ten minutes screaming at the guy who was barely able to stand, but was not allowed to slink away back into his misery of being a sad lonely fat guy on a Sunday with no where to go and nobody to love, he looked desperate almost begging to be beaten to not wake up to the sadness of another week to be faced. And so on and on the young black man wailed about the "N" word in fact evoking the hatred that had been the basis of it's ugliness to begin with. And so the balance of power continues to re verb around race, but I thought about other buzz words that have been re appropriated, A gay man can use the word Faggot, but nobody else, A woman can use the word Bitch to describe her or her friends, but no one else. We have to concede that there is the option when faced with someone saying something even if they are not in the circle and it is just used as a term of suppression rather than inclusion, is that the power that you wield comes not from the word but the intended persona it is identifying, if called a bitch and you proceed to get angry and insulted and treating and show them what a bitch looks like even if that not who you are, are you simply fulfilling a prophecy, or do you have a chance to breathe and make some feel shamed for judging by a quick retort of, "who are you, you don't know me like that mister cellophane", and walk on by. Grace is the ultimate aggregate and I urge everyone to hold their beliefs, but remember usually someone is desperate and wants to just bring hurt into the world that has hurt them, don't be their victim.

That Said, please please please please  have grace and compassion not just for Boston, or the families of victims but see this as an opportunity to expand the parameters and be mindful of all the senseless suffering that takes place world wide that is at American Hands. We are all delicate and regardless of race we need to demand PEACE, as the always razor sharp Bill Maher said we need to stop being War Mongers and start seeing Peace as Strength. I  loathe the idea of justice, it is a farce, does it bring comfort to the grieving? We have spent maybe a trillion dollars and thousands of American lives and hundreds of thousands of Iraq and Afghanastan lives  to kill one man, who was orginally one of our trained guys. Are we better for it, do the teachers losing pays as schools budgets get cut sleep easier knowing we got our guy? We have known, or I have felt this tension, the struggle with gun control, and the endless mess of politicizing social programs and demanding Austerity in the face of crisis (which by the way has never worked just ask England) till way to many Americans turn desperate zombies as they have been trampled too many times. My heart sinks to see tanks in Boston, we can not endure any more Nationalism and so this can not be resolved by violence. Guns don't make you safe, as soon as you have a weapon you stop using your mind to understand and solve your problems.

I can't watch the news right now because, I need to see some solutions and bigger ideas to chew on and so I would like to offer up some Hope:

Also is it time to reinvent currency as a clean untraceable digital form aka Bitcoin? And is we start to adopt this could this be like a hop skip and jump to that Venus Project Utopian dream where no one is sheckled to the price of everything with out the value of anything? Bitcoins is this an option? This little article dares to ask the question.

This is the latest show at Groundswell and it makes me happy.  I'm a sucker for anything that uses space proactively.

Speaking of when I get a little nervous and I say why not just move to a mango farm and live quiet and peaceful like the zen monk I always want to be instead of whirrling divaish of Denver I am presented with this: A dome home in Thailand made for 8000 in 6 weeks with a couple guys. Game Over.

Groove Is In The Remix by Steveolaf on Mixcloud

Anyone want to start a community Radio Station?

Youth Swarm! Tedx gets kid friendly

On any given Friday afternoon crowds of eager kids are counting the seconds to being released into a wide stretch of weekend, but in downtown Denver there is a frantic enthusiasm reserved for a tween concert. TedxYouth Mile High has opened its doors and the flood of pristine uniforms or delegates from the ghettos are buzzing about on this play day. So what does Tedx Youth offer up to thirsty minds, that often default to boredom? Questions. The lobby was a patchwork of booths asking what they would wish for, what type of business they would start, what would the settle for. A very bright eyed 18 year old had a table with her duct tape craft wallets, she had been working with Young American's Bank and YouthBiz to start her own crafttacular in her spare time. ReWork, a regular partner of TedxMileHigh was engaging kids about liking your job,and will be hosting The Schoolyard Scrimmage on May 4! Taking place at Galvanize, the Scrimmage is an innovative day-long event that will harness the talents and power of the community to help accelerate local schools, companies, and nonprofits working in the education space. Not bad for the 1st floor, in the learning labs upstairs kids interacted by writing poetry, building 3D collages, learning how to compose a dub step beat, dance a haiku, and get a glimpse of explorer gear from the north pole. All very fun and perfect for younger students, the juniors and seniors were very polite but seemed a bit glazed as they had limited ground to tread, and for that I hope that TED develops more uncomfortable or dynamic engagement for these well developed youthquakes.

 The Stage: An environmental activist teenager that spent 7 dollars on a letter writing campaign to ban single use bags in Boulder, and start a top notch recycling program in school, her method was research and persistence. A 12 year old that is designing a neurological stimulator thingy, I was hoping I could just send her some money on indiegogo and get in on the guinea pig round. A 17 year old who is designing prosthetics from a 3d printer., whose mission was to keep the costs down. DJ CaveM, a hip hop performer that raps about being an organic vegan farmer as a revolution.     A guy that walked across the country, who I dare say had one of the most interesting messages which was simply to trust in yourself and that we are going at "speeds that defy our own design" so make a mile radius around your home, school and pledge to walk it before just driving. (a revelation in these times).  Eric Larson was the explorer and had a lot of gear to show in the labs, but his meaning was more about engaging kids in environmental awareness and personal preparation which seemed warmly welcomed. The flashy parkour tricks amused and amazed showing viral videos of how to use just wall and grass as your guides which was all very wowing but also he showed the bloopers reel of how many times a kid had to fall and not get it right before something took shape. The highlight was a humble moment when 25 year old Ryan Ford from Apex  Movement told the story of a mom and her two kids coming together to learn to play in order  to overcome their disabilities. "There are no obstacles only opportunities" he said triumphantly as a tiny girl in pink leggings bound over a bolder and into her mother's arms.  Amelia Earhart the host for the event is a pilot and news broadcaster and starting a non-profit to teach kids to fly, she kept pace asking everyone to tweet their experiences to become a top trending hash tag, it happened oh the power of social media and teenagers. Most of the tags were "inspired, cool," but I was haunted by one that said "bored", was this the perspective of a cynical senior with rolled eyes and a to cool attitude or was this the molasses of a young kid unable to access the inspirations flickering about? As I talked to various teachers and groups like the math and science school, the mountain arts prep school, everyone seemed excited, but is excitement asking a question enough to get a real answer?

The themes for the presentation were values, and I venture to say more motivations, because you don't need to teach a kid to be interested, that is the unlearning of adulthood, where there has to be results and reasons for the work, but kids are simply more effectively curious; so how can we engage them not just as an audience but as constant participators with out it turning into a circus or by turning it into a circus! (the tightest run ship ever is a circus.) The startling coherent kids that presented solutions to real world problems were jaw dropping, but the true message of the day was held by the explorers who told of building a team, developing trust, living in your body, taking a walk, climbing a mountain and being persistent. Those are the qualities that kids need and from their they can design anything. As usual TED is about ideas but kids are about play, this year the Mile High continues to develop a rich tapestry to grow the minds that will design a complete overhaul of society from it's industrial dust. "Maybe we are just mirrors for miracles"

It's time has come. THE REVOLUTION IS YOU.

Over thousands of years, men, women and children struggle to find an identity, a truth and some sliver of peace and happiness. Often this gets betrayed by shiny prizes, seats of power and potential unrealized. (the quiet desperation sets in); and yet there is always a banner flying some movement some principle that demands more, last weekend was a rally of rogues and dogooders huddled in a hotel thinking strategically and efficiently unfolding a story and while becoming it's very own. NCMR 13   was a haven for ideas and rather than drag you through the shiny moments which I covered in live tweet @crystalzclearly lets talk concepts.

1. Accountability : it is simply to easy to create and to engage than to be idle these tools of communication are hand held and on most phones you can record, photograph, upload, edit, and publish the news the ideas and the life you lead at any moment somewhere between waiting in line, or checking a news feed. Want to get a bit deeper and solve problems rather than just tell some stories get your programmer on and start designing some systems that can get you live in the mix. The most bad ass Lady of get it together was the mistress of the blog - get it. @lisawilliams  lifeandcode.tumblr.com
automattic freepress.net  freesoftwarefoundation freespeechtv

PS: It is always heartbreaking when technology supposedly improves and the intimacy to which you have built trust has been eliminated or upgraded or retweeked. RIP reader you will be missed. Also this is content gold thanks internet for easing my pain, in the most awkward way possible.


2. Quality : Much like the 1st Amendment that says we can say whatever we want and the 2nd that says we can fight about it, it is exhaustive to see the smattering of drivel that is out there so yes keep writing and taking pictures but please remember that there is a need to filter your own work, even this here needs a lot more editing but the concept is to be raw, dear readers rehab is not clean and well digested, it has emotional currents and skips on refinements to tackle deep aching substance and the torrent of awkward self-realization that is it's mission. Some inspiring ladies that were all awkwardly brilliant and insufferably young was the Spark crew that has challenged seventeen magazine to show images of actual non-photoshop girls. BRAVO! New Moon.com, and a personal fav Black Girls Code. Why is it important to have young fresh faces making content? Because they have insight into how to solve the problems without having bleed the disappointments that the X or why generation crushed over.   Content, research, thoughtfulness, does it tell a fresh insightful story, is it the zeitgeist? Masters of the social domain where UpWorthy gave in depth explanation as to how developing interesting content is simply not enough, it has to be spiced and packaged with efficiency and shareability remember folks you gotta ask why it is working and why it is not, viral has an algorithm too.

3. Turning Donors into Activist: A long time ago there were only a very few super rich and only a few causes most of which were faith based organizations, we have a lot more on the table now. Fundraising is a dirty word, it's asking for a check and walking out the door relieved that you got it. Did you bother to find out if this donor was a good match? Did you listen to their ideas? Did you offer a way to participate beyond just money but on their talent? Did you stop short because of your own issues with money? Kathy LeMay CEO of raisingchange.org was an amazing speaker and her insights on developing Donors was transformative; Bravo to NCMR13 for bringing in the elephant that is not just exhaustive frustrations on non-exist public funding and bureaucracy. There are plenty of exciting models for developing revenue streams like at Denver Open Media and Inews Promethius Radio Project (just throwing it out there- with my days of a coffeshop radio station cafe gallery event space for a community radio PirateCat Radio esque - Donors/  Patrons anyone?)

4. Media Salon : Connecting with community developing real world spaces and events that engage people, media, artists, whathaveyou to evolve, much like the factory, CBGBS The Algonquin round table, Gertrude Steins apartment, Mama Cass's, Frank and the Sands a movement needs a home and a host or curator Dianna Vreeland to Anonymous,  hell Occupy had Wall Street. This is where culture is crafted and from that the seeds of identity are watered. The shift in consciousness is planned and it usually actualizes through art (multi-medium ). Engage and Challenge your mind to speak. Some favorite moments harikondabolu.com  Films for Action might be a great way to at least host a screening.  Here in Denver a gem of a donated space activating culture and community is Deer Pile right above city o city in the heart of Capitol Hill the Johnny crew keeps things interesting and cheap and or free to let your creative freak fly and that well is priceless. Tip of the HAT Dtown.



5. Get Involved in the Political Puke: YEAH = I SAID IT! PUKE.  I am constantly exhausted by how many moments don't make sense in America. There is a failure to serve humanity, yet that is not the excuse to endure this meh.... this slow poison of fear and comfort. My friends and enemies, "Get mad as hell" because they assume you don't have the where with all or the attention span to demand a standard that represents the betterment of our societal needs. This is time to be on the right side of history. So suck it up, the revolution is only as good as you are. So ask questions, start causes, read your news and save your local politicians office numbers on you speed dial. Offer 5 hours of your week to go above your obvious, to dream to demand to create, to research, to discover. Do your Job of being marvelously YOU.

The Helping Hand

What a marvelous week of revelation, and by that I mean a humbling insertion of my needs and values and the exercise of noble ideas and nobilish actions. Hooray for Spring Break the much needed breath catching that sweeps the country for the celebration of spring, sexuality, freshness, and completion and the open adventure that awaits in summer. Though I am pleased to report I handled my much needed mundane tasks I did adventure out to work on larger ideas and though I am dissapointed that no great american novel has emerged with my luxurious amount of time, because it was of course spent worrying about jobs and finances and maintaining my well being. The notion of Helping Hand that I present is the collective of universal desires and needs. Certainly this week the litmus test of equality was pissed on as a country we asked ourselves do we really believe in civil equality in the face of "moral fabric" ? "sanctity"?  It seems that this country is philisophically opposed to the idea of a helping hand, at least in practice anyway. There is a massive statue that sits in a "New" York that openly calls out to the minorities that these shores are open and safe to become and thrive as individuals that no matter your origin, your status you are equal here. In fact lets get the exact verbage: 
 The New Colossus 
 Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame, With conquering limbs astride from land to land; Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame. "Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!

 Hmmmmmm sounds awesome right? Keep your fancy shit we got other priorities. Anyway back to my sermon, so their are two marriages that happen one is the religious ceremony that is a party and that most girls see as their princess moment a gathering of family and the exchange of vows. This is the one that has sanctity, moral implications and is the one that is referred to when "feminists" or men wanting to avoid the other marriage say that this is a piece of paper and that it does not prove how much our love is. The other marriage is a binding contract where it is exactly a piece of paper that does entitle, and obligate the 2 parties fiscal responsibillity to each other. It is declaring trust and putting your money where your mouth is. Note this is where you go from being a princess to being a wife something that is not mentioned in the happily ever after that most girls are treated to; not to mention the prince charming notion, where this man now has to become a husband. This marriage IS the piece of paper that says yes I do love you and that means 1100 benefits and rights that ensure security. Ladies and Gentleman can we please admitt that security is the base line to which we all find our rhythem? The Helping Hand is an expansive idea whether or not it is your GOD giving blessing and guidance through emotional storms, the government offering protection and enrichment with social services like roads, schools, health care, housing, jobs, food, and regulations and justice to all that are being targeted or abused. In a relationship a partner is the helping hand, that will comfort your body, witness your stuggles, celebrate your success, and share your burdens and with any mindfullness will help to construct your visions and realities of joy. So today I witness my own search for the importance of the helping hand, the lover, the boss, the teacher, friend, the counsel and the collective as we strive towards embracing help the only way to ensure that we are not helpless.
 Things that rung my bell this week: Thank You Senator for presenting the real implications of fairness. And may that spill into opening up the chance for family for those children who have been abandoned by "traditional relationships"

 Kudos to this story which I found amazing: Hip Hop community reaching out because cash is cheap but networking is priceless. The old give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime. BRAVO.

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

On netflix this week the highlight was Paris was a Woman. An amazing jaunt through that golden age that was featured in midnight in Paris the glorious Woody Allen film. But this is a much more rich and lush picture of a literary movement and cultural awakening of women that was simply thrilling to watch.

On the more traditional side is my favorite uber marriage of the arts and design as living the full documentary of Charles and Rae Eames on PBS is here.

I went to Feminist and CO at the MOCAD and engaged in the idea of why feminism thrives in the blogoshpere. Some of the ladies that were featured Historiann, violetagainstwomen,  Rue Johnson hip hop writer for westword and the Denver Post, and  My personal take is that women need a safe space to process and the amount of time she spends either shopping online or doing the job or what have you, the knitting circle is no longer realistic and in all her roles she has the one chance to self create a role or a connection to the side of herself she has not made time for in previous cultures that did not have both the allure of appreciation or the relief of ananimity with quite the same instant gratification that internet allows. I am easily a victim of this myself as this project has evolved past being a companion piece to my personal reflection on the times and my own surgical currents as I piece myself together to find my own code. Next week Boobs. For good measure here is a great article about the women of Bauhaus.

 Also There is this - my morning status update but I feel worthy of bloging: On an impromptu date night I went to see the host the best worst movie I've seen in a while. Enduring the paper mâché dialogue and the once again awkward love triangle and inexplicably irresistible beloved protagonists that is ms Meyers signature. I still found an actually compelling story that engages a sliver of philosophical reflection. If the only way we are to achieve a utopian state is by surrendering to an alien light being that has been around for a thousand or so years, and has resolved the ego of violence and possessions only to have some sort of human resistance, my question is what would "heaven" look like if not some version of this trusting harmonious world? An interesting exercise in endurance. Anywho as we battle over the meaning of equality and liberty and pursuit of happiness and occasionally the responsibility to ourselves and certainly each other to manifest these "rights" in the framework of nationalism, perhaps we can take a moment to reflect if indeed we were worthy of the will to choose, anyway I give pause to the idea of  a slave:  unhappy forced worker (wage slave nowadays), a seva:  meaning in service by choice, and the example in nature of the bee, the most efficient and essential, certainly productive culture in the animal kingdom (of course we are killing them off mystery my foot). I wonder how many rotations it will take to truly understand what oneness might mean. And a little help from my favorite muse Oscar.

PSS In health news Booooooooo! Obama pulled another massive atrocity in protecting Monsanto over the millions of Americans that is crushes anually way to disappoint and undermine.... good luck getting any rest with Mobama sayin WTF? same page buddy.

and Cancer no more ! 

Happy Ishtar! or Easter  whatevs -