The Jesus Years

So as I was so sweetly reminded that I am turning 33 this year, well like in a week. I have spent the last couple weeks being more heightened to the ever more hysterical war on women. It is mostly comical to see almost exclusively middle aged white men making as many heated demands for the protection of the unborn and so little fuss over punishing the cruel actions of rapists. It kinda caught my eye how many gang rapes were actually happening not just here but abroad I found this to be an amazing article about addressing the systemic issue of instead of teaching women how to avoid being raped but teach men to not rape! , all the while Rand Paul puts out a legislation piece that nationally bans all abortion, and all birth control, I am still waiting for him to make mandatory male birth control a part of this legislation where the government forces all men over the age of 13 to get the procedure and that you have to apply to have it reversed if you have gotten married and proved you are willing to be a capable father. Anyway it just seems so very how the eff dare they? This is a country of religious freedom and yet we keep getting tackled by sanctimonious Christian.catho.crazies all the while avoiding the message of Jesus which would surely be Universal health Care excellent,  free education, caring for the earth, the elderly, the sick, the poor, loving women more than zygotes or respecting them enough to not rape them and then piss on them and then show pictures to their friends. Pretty Sure Jesus would like universal back ground checks, and would think that 10 round magazines were plenty to hunt with, and would probably vote in favor of an assault weapons ban. Note I started a petition asking for congress members that are against obamacare and a public option themselves opt out of the free government health care that they get for themselves and their families won't you sign it?
While I'm at it the ex - president is not to big to fail ACCOUNTABILITY is possible if you want it.


So yeah I'm turning 33 soon and I just passed on a good paying job that I would have hated because it was listening to financial calls and hearing executives contrive to squeeze more profits from people was simply beyond my caring capacity for B.S. on the bright side this is my Jesus Year where I must live the life I believe in no matter the sacrifice so- spirit above Universe unfold may the automagically do it's thing i invoke the power of love of life to come in and give me the fever of ability. The will and the way to be my inner Jesus to keep my dignity, my grace, my purpose and my joy as I unfold as a source. Ever the optimist I can only end on this note:
there is plenty of hope:

Biztwerk: I don't make mistakes, I make choices.

How little time we make for pleasure that is derived from authenticity, intimacy, compassion. We reserve no patience for our demanded entertainment by all means necessary there must be NEWS! How we have banked on the idea of capital, what does our money, our jobs, our stuff give to us. What is the value of life, if  it is seemingly so easy to shatter. My ongoing conversation of the possibility of a "master plan" devised from inside the asylum of city nights and methodical days grows reliable and consoling in the face of broad sweeping collapses of government and authority. What inspires these so called leaders to clearly drive the train into the ground? To cover up the abuse of children, to hesitate on protecting women from violence and harm, to slash the budget indiscriminately of basic needs as a power play, to threaten legal action against your own towns if they vote for protection of environment from invasive mineral extraction. To what end is this? I make no bones about it, it has broken my heart to be so silent in these intense climactic times to be forced to mend my body, and my spirit and yet out of the ash I rise again with my pink hair and warm to a spring where I have carved a trace of plan to relieve me of my worries of dependence, I am squarely looking my life in the eye and doing my best to air out the attic of ghosts in my head, I re-collect myself as a commitment to the solutions I know are achievable not just in my lifetime but in my fucking 30s so say us Country let the wheels come off and there will still be life! Next month I will be attending 2013 National Conference for Media Reform, the truth is I can't quit you. I still believe that the media is the message and I still want to find the truth between love and purpose and production and thriving as a culture of beauty as I believe that we fundamentally dare to dream to be. I was reminded this last month that my two cent philosophical waxing at bars and art loops and in lines and bathrooms and on buses maybe helps, and even this (blog) helps, me more probably; but by Universe it reminds me of the voice and the reason that I must find to justify the sipping of air I do. For I am wow and so are you! 

Current rotation of inspirations is the Journals of Dan Eldon a heart crunching saga of a young and amazing photojournalist stoned to death by the people he was trying to help tell their story. His vivacious, passionate and beautiful intimate journals inspired my own work profoundly and I encourage his work to be seen and honored through sinking to sole of your soul and extend the comfort zone to give just a little more courage to your everyday. 

Also in light that it is SPRING and the Catholic church is clearly crumbling, it is time to get over the sexual awkward and guilt and get into the joy of healthy sexual clarity. I am reading the joy of sexus which gives a portrait of sexual behaviour in ancient times, before we felt shame it turns out we were kinky then, and if we were kinky then and we are still kinky then maybe our indicators should grade on curve, translation: we are all normal. we want love we are designed to enjoy sex as it is not our mating habits to eat the males head after sex, we should be a lot happier our sex is really quite tame.

Suckerpunch My lasting grays and the notion of anywhere

Often in my life I have been bitten with inspirations of Grandeur, a strange gift to shower into my lovers, art writing and actions... much like most creatives this is usually activated in a chance meeting and then threads weave and magic is embraced. I however seem to have this in a heaping amount and I am overwhelmed by my own ability to activate convinced that the mystical component of my name and chance placement in life seems to be heightened..... And so I see the stings and feel the actions glue and tangle to manifestations as my subconscious bobs and weaves out my desires to an almost shattering accord. I have had to take many pauses as to absorb the intensity and I fault no one in their utter confusion with what to do with me. Last Year I was ready to confess and to confront my crimes of evasion to my { dream tormentor} my mirror my aggregate and my polishing stone. I suffer the crimes of withholding, my restraint haunts my fertile mind's eye and it is true that I have not allowed to love completely that my apparent wreck less negotiations with midnight lovers and dawn acquaintances are a build up of passing time, and there has been but one flicker to which I can not resolve and as this it burns me with lava tears \ my pride my broken my glued soul remains ever a champion to "cowboy up" and on to the next adventure and though I am sorry I could not love you I can not hate you either, you remain my constant gray. FIN.

The lady confesses: The survival of hope in 2013

It has always been my calling card to roam free. This slippery jewel of self awareness swallows my inherent skill for persuasion. My interlacing of restraint, my wanderlust to engulf to become an all powerful reality of passion; well it finds me lonely. It seems that honest is crushingly undervalued and intimidating. To be crumpled in a room with no one to witness the alchemy of intention, the mystical harnessed in pools of sweat. It has been a long journey in exile as the push for beacons and bridges to the divine plan turns me weary, yet reckoned and always able to endure. My perspective will always reset to outside of me, and these passing glimpses flutters in my mind to rattle the insecurities of a ballooned confidence in a lifetime of praise for this uniqueness that I posses.

I confess there is nothing but bafflement as I continue to fail at finding and maintain a belonging. Does this make me Grimm? NO! Does it delay my feedback NO! But it does cut like glass as I am made of Teflon, tears and glitter.

Think Stank and the Trillion Dollar Idea

A fresh wave of ideas has crashed in my head, yes I must be employed because my mind has now freed up space where it was lamenting a dim future of poverty, I am now open to spending my newly revamped spare time as precious and since it now has value..... I'm inspired by Ezra Klein who last week filled in for Rachel Maddow and teased out a plausible if not theatrical solution to or economic albatross. Our country oddly is not in control of the printing of our dollars, they are debt notes not really backed by anything and are created by the federal reserve loaned to the US government for a fee and then distributed. That's right and I'm sure you are asking yourselves well why would we agree to such a whack deal, especially because how could we ever earn enough money to be out of debt since they own all the money? SO that being said most money that is in circulation is just digital anyway. It is conceptual at this point including our debt. So oddly the US does how control over the production of coin and the US mint could issue a special edition platinum coin that they could set the value at. Say 1 Trillion dollars (pinky to mouth) and that would be it deposit it in our account debts paid, and why not make 5 and cancel out student loan debt (I am infuriated that a rapist or murder gets 37,000 a year in care and feeding and I get 34,000 in loans for the entirity of my higher education) Can you imagine what a relief to millions of americans that are pinned to student debts? I say de crimalize victimless crimes and set up higher education grants of 37,000 a year for full time students, with a required year spent abroad and a year doing some kind of Americorps. Put an ipad for every student and require a digital textbook alternative to save on the waste of paper and the abuse and cost of endlessly outdating material. Which will bring about the employ of the most imaginative and vivid living books. Fund high speed rail that floats on magnets and is cheap and effective to get down the coasts and across the country, maybe magnet cars or self driving vehicles that would avoid the accidents caused by careless and intoxicated and distracted drivers, throw in Universal Health care Public college is now funded and free to attend. And build some serious low income housing and since I'm feeling splurgy School lunch goes organic, Dentistry is a part of a national health plan and electric cars are put as a priority, the tax code is simplified to a booklet. Victimless crimes are not jail worthy and Weed is no longer a felony but a taxed and regulated substance and the violence and black market crumbles, along with prostitution so that health care and safety can be addressed and the violence disease and human trafficking can be illuminated and sexuality can come out of the shadows. I'd like to see an education system that provides breakfast, yoga and martial arts. Ban GMOs like every other 1st world country and if the senate can't balance a budget than they get docked pay and a public town hall where they are held accountable for their lack of ethos and a gong show like immediate dismal if they are shown ineffective. And elections at all levels should be no longer than 1 month and have 1 million dollars to run a campaign, if nate silver taught us anything is that most people make up their mind pretty early. Marriage  is associated with religion I think that a civil union should be recognized as a nation between two people, that they have agreed to be life partners with all the benefits of a marriage. If they want to throw a party well that is a private matter between them and their church / temple whatevs and the space they rent.  State shouldn't be in marriage anyway - let's all have civil unions as recognized by country why not. Fair is fair and everyone needs to find love.
OK so we have a better world in 3...2...1.........

ticking........ time takes a peace pipe?

The shift is tampering and subtle and as these moons bloat with good will and gamma rays flood our DNA I sense my sequestered spirit and the limits of my own creation. I opt for adventure in my mind but it always fizzles to maintain and i shatter to the desires of the higher invisible road that occasionally I feel like gossamer kisses from ghost ships in the middle of the night. I want my life to be more special than it is or that it is allowing for. This is completely my own fault, I attest. But still dear universal intention give me the courage to be a captain again. Even these words send oxygen to my blood. My deep dream is to be of significance to witness the cosmic dance at the pyramids for The Great Convergence. I have applied for a scholarship and pray I find myself with creatures of the stars at a pivotal moment in time. SO yeah dear friends I want to win the lottery to start a women's credit union and network of art communities that provide havens for creatives, widows, and the abused. I want to  micro finance women's art and education and health and independence. "if won the lottery or if I ran for office"  My heart beats with only dreams but I humbly pray that humanity is holding something for me to be driven enough to claim. This month I have felt a slice of solace to winter in to my inner care and feeding of the soul. And though I know that this exercise in reflection and revelation and soap box is merely an echo I reach out to my secret secret and unfold a truth and a promise of purpose.

Excercising the ache of possibillity

Well so it seems that after an exhaustive slightly crippling lurch in humanity is hopeless, there is this tinker of arts and celebration it is not however in a dazzling bottle of champagne but in a large glass of white wine after a long day. So under the recent spell of a maddow fueled examination, can we start dreaming what is possible and just assume it is? I am tired of being beholden to eventually and it is a process- do we really believe we have the time to keep holding the hand of consumer chaos? What can I do today to demand better? WAR IS OVER if you want it to be. Said John and Yoko over 30 years ago. When do each of us get honest. I admit that it is easy to have a love in from the comfort of your 5th ave apartment but is there a middle ground that can be worked out Step one : Know what you want. Step two: define it plan, map and actualize it. step 3 : own it. Today I am going to call my senators and remind them we are in an unpopular war and when the country is looking for places to trim the fat that the DOD is an obese bitch. And this is the battle cry of me in my new apartment single 30something recovering from an accident not quite sure of the future but sure that there is one and that I better have a lot of fun and believe in whatever I am doing, so back to work aka back to passion.

"Onward March" the refreshed sentiments of an optimist.

And so it begins after a massive fever of combative ego political and personal in the should I stay or should I go varity, it comes down to "the show must go on." But there is a glimmer of strength that was not born of hope but breed in the disappointments and yet we returned as a nation to serve the needs of the common over the power and might of a handful of corporations and overlords. Yes this has sucked and yes it should've been better but it is what it needs to be and as an american and a human i have chosen to adjust the time table and ease my imagined sense of entitlement and simply work to do my best to be better. This week is the Starz Film Festival and there is a parade of films and people that I am mixed up with and somewhere Denver is a beacon for festival for festivals sake. I have no expectations about how the meetings or roads will wind for the tapestry of my fate, but I will make every effort to show up. And even Mittens with his Smug President elect web site still shows he really believed in actions. I guess that is the danger, to drink your own cool aid. I mark this journey with a little faith that here in my quiet little studio I will find my voice and my way to be all the things I thought I was and to allow those dreams to evolve with out regrets. They fall away the moments of if only and somehow I find myself loving every minute and unable to honestly wish to change anything. I guess that means the best truly yet to come.

Fighting for cause

This month is breast cancer awareness month. .And last week I was reintroduced into the power of women's code really is. The election season women's rights are back into question, note if you do not have ovaries, you simply can not be qualified to preside over them. Just sayin. Can you imagine a testicular panel of only women telling men what to do about their balls? Anyway, I spent an evening at a women's investment group mixer, named the 1820 club... why because it was the year of Susan B Anthony's birth( A reminder that it was not so long ago that women had no right to vote, own property, inherit, or wear pants) there was wine and cheese it was quite nice, and as suspected there was the question of why don't more women become Angel Investors rather that philanthropic endeavors, I wanted to say something awful which was because usually the investing is handled by the husband and the wife does the spending.  Hark it is terrible to think it, but it might be true, women would rather decorate or give it away before invest on the whole, and so today I watched pink ribbons inc now on netflix, and thought long and hard about the lack of accountability for where the money for research goes. And what of the all this pink stuff that is out there..... Is Lauder, Revlon, Ford really Diet Coke sponsors women heart health? Is this another form of patriot act? call it by the name that it is really attacking? well anyway, today I was reminded that the power of marketing to the mass mind of women is a battle that everyday I must fight or in reality where I don't feel like using such absurd terms like fighting, each day I must be mindful of the presence of desire for things and to create community and acceptance and to feel strong and healthy not by means of pressure but by the sheer force of joy in my heart. Lumps and all, I am here and tears are shed as I make my way, alone and with others, but I will take the time to find out who and why then ingest the obvious pink poison.

Full Disclosure of a broken Dream

When I left SF I felt a rip tide that I could not explain, much as the mouring the loss of a lover and all the dreams that will never be, I felt like there was a golden age that I was apart of and there had always been a thread that had guided my purpose that had driven me to see and feel deeper. I was born under extreme circumstances and have often felt pressurized with my unique skill set that has seemed to take me to higher high and lower lows but always in the quest of the soul searching and accountabillity I felt for being here on Earth at this time. My mother had been told and her body was really not in condition to have another child so much later but her cleanse that she went on by way of Dr. Brown restored her body and though my father was in his 6os and had had a Vasectomy I had arrived healthy much to belief and guidance of Dr. Brown, who is known for his Atlantean Crystal discovery of the coast of Florida. My name is Crystal and I have experienced a profound sense of playful with what it might mean to be a living speaking and feeling Crystal. Why did I come in 1980 as an Aries Fire sign-

as a part of the Indigos, why was I born to Mercy hospital and had such a strong sense of myself from earliest memory. Why did I have as many protectors and people offer the assistance I needed to accomplish my visions and for me to be able to see them so clearly. Over the years I have felt my own disappointments and the tick of a karmic clock in my ear having deep intuitions about cosmic events and global shifts and in depth knowledge to the truths lurking in the closets of strangers, perhaps my temptations for fresh meat. I am a sleuth. On the hunt for some lost truth, and slowly drifting from proactive to reactive I have been deeply bothered by this wilting occurring but it is now that I face a freeing and a heart break for a purpose that I have held and a flame in my heart to find the Atlantean Crystal as a duty, has been dashed today there is a disturbance in the force and whether it is a good sign that we can not go home, that the Karma has been cleared or that a true and correct active piece of mystical has been lost to us during these sinister and logic based times, I do not know. But it was real, my feeling of needing to say goodbye the urgency of explaining if I was journeying alone if I wanted to stay or to go.... I feel alone and free but I weep for a something I can mot touch or explain, a dream to find my place to be apart of the gentle people some cosmic space party or some kind of activation here in the earthly plane there is nothing but forward now, as today I have learned that the crystal had been accidentally broken. I will say that I had felt that there was an urgency to me finding it and I thought we would unite for 12-12-12 but it is now a dream of gossamer clouds on a windy day. If this opens my heart so wide as now to fit a new dream of dreams a truer freedom a new expanse of power and light and love than so be it. Better we go to face the great unknown where as I thought I had a map, we are adventurers again. God Speed and be gentle.