News you can use!

With the return of the show next week I will be focusing on what the electronica movement in music as it is my love love love and that there is a Party I will be attending for the old sckoolers that were around in the 90s a classic rave is coming, hopefully with some interviews and we will explore the culture of rave and what it means now and how it evolved. In the meantime I also read 2 very interesting articles that I'd like to post as I'm sure I will mention them. One is stem cell break through with HIV and the other is a simple solution to birth control, namely mens non- hormonal cheap effective and reversabile birth control that is not being used in the US but is common practice in the 3rd world. I mention this as that I want to keep focusing on the news that is helpful that we as a civilization are actually interested in problem solving and that it is vital that this information is demanded to be know and used so that we stop ignoring the obligations of our problems and the expensive band-aids attached but move on to the lifestyle that is afforded when we are not spent chasing bad ideas into dark alleys to be robbed and beaten to an inch of a bleary life of disease and baby-mama drama. maybe if the GOP would get behind the Men's birth control there would be a lot more time spent campaigning on problems that they could fix.

Jazzzzzz Hands Cultural Rehab has a voice and a home AGAIN!

Wow so here is some news I can use! I am with a show again which is good because honestly this is something that gives me a feeling of place and purpose, So coming soon is Post303 radio willbe hosting me and I will get back to having a regularity of feed and fodder to rave and rile for. I'm going to delve into local music chatting with DJs producers, artists, writers, wellness experts, how do they find the sweet spot of inspiration and balance to being a Urban yogi, or do they. There will be an onslaught of ideas kicked around and opinions on finding coping and thriving as an artist and as a community.l Im so excitied I want to Shout.

Easter and my finding my spiritual job.

This week was my birthday

and with being the aries comes the imaculate timing of feeling refreshed and reflective while nature herself springs to life again. So as I start to shake away the gloom of a wary winter of sorrow and stigma of survival instead of thriving I was thwarting. After a big year of upheaval and healing and challenging myself in love and nature and physical endurance and literally crash landing in my home town to rehash and revive the well worn ways of Denver comforts and limitations. My age old Denver question yeah it's a great town but how do I get paid to live here and don't I want to play with big kids? My ambitions to be a coastal girl, I could get paid to do what I love. It's that simple. Or is it? In my birthday week I was unable to do my job or so I thought because my car broke down, and I had a mad men party that only my closest friends attended it was fun and intimate, I went dancing and was on the floor as they played classic hip hop, it was mostly white boys singing along and bouncing around trying to grind on the ladies it was a drunken bumble but it was happy enough. Brunch was on a patio overlooking the mountains and that felt more church like than any sermon I would have sat through to remind myself of rebirth. I watched the Passion of the Christ

and finally felt some connection to the story of Jesus, I have always appreciated his message of love and compassion, but to see him endure suffering at the demand of the public and the connection that a mother and child has gave me a sense of humbling to what my life's work is and should be about and why I am always at odds with what I am going to do with my day, and how do I wish to be rewarded for my actions and talents and if I even seek out to best use them. Does anyone? Is this what would heal the world? Nourishing my spiritual worker seems more and more a priority but in truth it has always been hungry, and never was satisfied by the usual fare. So back to the drawing board I go determined to keep carving at the things that bring me peace of mind and know that they will find a way to a peace with my wallet.

Time keeps on tickin tickin into the Future

Spring! new ideas, new horizons, new hopes and dreams. In 2012 there is a light and a sense of time as in NOW NOW NOW let's get r done.

SO yes can we start to make the changes in our own lives to be more activated in our own content. I wrote down things that make me happy, things that I want to happen and how to pray or ask for these things how to be grateful and in control of my attitude to not feel anxious and overwhelmed by all the many short comings of my self and the culture that is disappointing me. I wonder about why The Huger Games has such sway or john carter but ultimately it serves as a warning to not be passive in your life but to be activated and involved in your own outcome. I keep searching for my honesty to be fair but opportunist in saying I want something and really opening my mind to making it happen. Today I was shown 2 options with getting a car and in my assumption, I did not follow through with the kind of magnanimous demand of ownership that allowed me to get the thing I was surprised by as a real solution to my problem. The reality now is that I have what was an obvious band aid- but not a silver bullet. My point dear friends: grab it. I hear people talking of how everything is going to get fixed and wrongs will be righted all I know is that everyday is the chance to untangle this web of crap that has been spun by you and the powers that be it has been a tango of foilospohy. I'm over it. And so I return to the things I love. and the life I lead to care for the things I love to do and person I want to be. Getting older I guess.
New to read on my library list

Fallout for International Womens Day- Peace be with you Bitch. l

So as I ramp up out of the fogg of pain bruise and blow of ego.... and wildly face my birthday and question my desires needs accomplishments and as a women in her early 30s single smart and without any ties, in the midst of the tornado of womens rights being microscopted and kicked like a hacky sac on a college campus in the ring of politco. I wonder what culture should I look to for inspiration for a Independent women with a healthy role in sweetly spicy sexual equality. I was inflamed over the panel for contraception being all men, it seems that only religious men have a useful opinion on womens reproduction, or designing a ultra sound wand..... and Rush that glob of foolery, those were expectaed and obvious but, it was Daniel Pinchbeck that posted on his FB how he thought that women had become well here is the post "I find women entirely complicit in the corruption and degradation of our contemporary civilization. If they were to stop sharing their bodies and giving their energy to men who do nothing to uplift humanity or sustain the biosphere - or men who betray their word and commitments - the system would collapse in on itself in a heartbeat. I believe women have no moral high ground generally, though of course some individuals do. I would love to see a female uprising as in that Ancient Greek comedy where no favors would be distributed until men came to their senses, ended ways and behaved according to an ethical framework that would support the preservation of the earth and the elevation of humanity as a whole. Of course I won't hold my breath for this, but there you have it." I flew into a rage, wondering why this man would somehow feel that women using pussy power would be an answer to men being corrupted as if that was not the reason perhaps for the problem, like women don't get enough abuse in relationships with bad men, all these years and so many women have been silenced with rape and beaten and burnt and bleed, in western world how long has it been that women could wear pants, own land, vote, divorce for mistreatment, earn an equal wage, or be given a fair price, or treated respectfully in negotioations. And here was another "feminist guy" still pointing at greece and saying ladies you should be more responsible for the problems that men cause by just even standing next to them.

Is it not enough that a women does not get the luxury of love for the price of nmotherhood, that she is expected to do the job of five and never say " Eff you, I want more! or Bitch Please.... make your own dinner, buy your own detergent. Fill out your own paperwork. I have never heard of a women spending 10 hrs playing video games while unemployed. "if not a guy was involved". I see the mothers on the bus with the strollers, the girls strutting down the streets in gaggles in shorts to short or skirts to

tight or heels to high, I see the women in suits to square. And I feel like an orange..... zesty and bright and juicy but this is an apple world.... What is the American women doing? What is the celebration of women in all the other cultures? I want to take the guilt out of the equation. I want to own my joy and not have to apologize for my ambitions, and maybe instead of men being intimaded by a women that can be independent men can be impassioned by her. And as for the using pussy power to make a man play nice I think we should send him to burning man or a big cuddle fest because that is probablly what he was missing in his childhood that made him so mean and silly anyway. This summer at the tree I read this

and it was great.... a testimony to how many smart powerful ladies have spent most of their lives being passed over and hung out to dry....

So why does Daniel and really everyone go Greek when looking for a simpler better time.... women didn't have any power then - and today I watched a thing on Petra hosted by Spock. Women could own land in this once thriving city...

notice the flower of life symbol everywhere..... anyway I'm intrigued by this desert city that feels like it has a deeper story to tell..... I think that we should get better at being loving with eachother more so when we get off the path.

Leap Day how far can you jump?

My dear friend posted that today should be a 24 hours of bonus extra do what you like day. And this struck me as to remember how often we are found waiting for permission to get what you want. And so I countered that that is every day really, after all how funny was it when the Dowager Countess asked what a weekend was? So onward and upward to great adventures and some complexities in this strange and amazeserious holiday of extra opportunities to love what you do and to see things through to the clarity with in. You have places to go.......

This was terrific Being feisty and ALIVE and not saying your sorry!

Sometime ago I watched this and thought it was super duper great. It might still be on Netflix but who knew that Harlan Ellision was just as interesting as his characters. Be inspired to Revolt and say what you mean.

Last week at the Starz Center

2-16-12
I was invited to see this from a dear friend of mine that is big in this community. And with a gentle hand the films takes on the arc of becoming who you are meant to be in all the many roles in the various cultures. Eastern/Western father son and of course the pain of having someone so beloved unable to be that beloved to you. It was a sweet little film that plays a note in the heart of the struggle to find identy and greatness in the shadows of tradition and the values of non-ego. Make time to find a little piece of yourself in this film.

Ahoy Hoy 2012 - A year in Review and the Blueprints for 2012

2011 was an exercise in surrender or lack there of. I have blindly imploded my desires for love out of a drone like need to create a worthwhile presence of lasting meaning. This quest has always been the sub plot to all my needs and deeds and finally my health was my undoing as after being in a heart wrencthing and abusive relationship that was only achieved after fleeing my homeland for relief from the torment of lack of appreciation for my drive and ambition and me being in love with a man that I knew would make me unhappy because his first love would always be his work, I spent 6 years in the bay killing me softly. It is almost clockwork that once you are ready to leave you see the reason why you came near the door. San Francisco was finally starting to bloom and I was starting to wither, I had created so many lovely things but had no way to sustain them, and so I packed it all up and said I love you again to another amazing man that was in love with his work and not with me and away I went to Patagonia population 800. My ballon of a body was exhausted and my spirit was defeated as I assumed that I would survive? But would I or did I? After listening to Bjork and Thom Yorn I've seen it all. So many time on the train, I closed off and shut down. Preparing myself for the Dying I wanted or was doing. Even creating the rehab project was an effort to cure my own addiction to wanting to do something important by doing something important and me building a presence and forum only greatened the distance between me and the lovers I sought. I have denied myself being able to indulge in love in this time of war, and yet there is nothing that I proclaim as being more important. So here I am not able to face the big moment of telling someone that I want and lust for them because I know that we will not be happy and that I have a lot of things I have to do before I can committ to being splendid with someone, though I have always seen inspiration in the Eames

or the Newmans

collaborative partners and companions

I have never been good at power coupling, prefering white hot sensuality that is come and gone in an instant. And then there is the Tree an oasis in the desert to reform my ways of indulgence and medicating, or maybe it was a golden parachute that I had designed in my experiment in compassion to get so close to the edge of death to see if I could come back was this the only adventure left for me after always sticking around for the screenshot. Did I expect to be met by a crowd waiting to cheer me on, did I really not expect to meet anyone who was also taking such an extreme course in action. I think I did not prepare for the challenge of actual change and exactly how deep that is in the roots and how long it takes and what is to say of the upkeep. Here at cultural rehab I barely had time to check in and post my thoughts. Unable to reflect on reflecting as the sands of my nature were so deeply being extracted and all my discomfort was having to be realized in such a full frontal manner and I also didn't feel I was able to be truly honest as it could be read by those that were there and there was so much Drama and disconnect between medium and message that I thought it best to just breathe through it. SO to sum up the last six months of the year. An oasis is either self sustaining like that of Avalon Gardens which is meant to live and work there harmoniously and is a closed system like Apple (note I only spent the day so I'm sure it is also dramatic just over different things or not even then) The gardens houses families and does full scale farming and is a community extended spiritual family. The Tree is a spiritual retreat/ raw food destination for people with various health concerns to give a go to a holistic approach of healing instead of western medicine. Behind the scenes was volunteers or sevas that did 3 months tours of duty in exchange for room and board, most were there not out of need but out of love which in my opinion is vastly under appreciated by the staff. The housing or dorms was nothing short of third world, it was almost laughable that they charged a rate at all which was later waved. The Tree has a bare bones staff that is paid minimum wage with little growth opportunity, as there is always sevas on hand to do most of the heavy lifting. There is little care to being fairly compensated as the cafe privledges are regularly flaunted as being the benefit and the access to the temple and services, none of the programs mind you, just temple and hot tub and shabbat, it is expected to attend at least 3 services a week with bells on. There was an email firestorm that erupted over having a private event in conflict with a service. It was addressed in Temple about having comapssion for eachother the following day however I dare say compassion was not used in the emails that were public forum to all staff members. I personally did not read any of these but it was considered to be a black cloud from anyone's perspective. But I digress, even if you charge a premium price for a mediocre product, "rustic" accomadations, minimal food selections, I've seen more raw local organic at a salad bar at whole foods in SF that the profits and the spending didn't add up, that the staff was mistreated and berated and the constant emphasis on a no gossip policy was not practiced by way of living in a way that was gossip causing, and that most long standing employees were not happy with the day to day dis-organization, but had gotten comfortable. In wanting to improve the conditions I was met with the same old berating of my character and disaproval of being reimbursed for my expenses, being supported of my injuries and my ideas on overall improvements to the systems that were clearly broken and inefficent. Micro Management was often described as the solution to the tasks at hand and now as I wonder how I came even close to healing whatever part of me that was broken other than me finding the wornder of great people and a lovely time inspite of the Tree itself, I made no effort to fall into the spell of love as it was so clearly not a place to thrive in the long term.

It is with this that I face todays greatest lesson and my clear and constant challenge, how do you see the Long term and the big picture and make room for the intimacy that makes it worth while? My Uncle was a workaholic he had six kids and a beautiful wife that divorced him as soon as the kids were grown, he said to me that he was regretful that he did not spend more time with them because he was so busy providing for them.... Is this the cultural rehab that I am referring to? Elon Musk is inspirational and the go to when you think the good guys,

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He is the hero of one of my work-aholic amazing men friends (that I have always feared dating), PAYPAL, Tesla, Space X making tons of money building good things, he is 40 with 5 kids and works 100 hrs a week worth 2 billion and counting and has now a Starter wife where in an article in Marie Clare she talks about how demanding he was for perfection and how utterly lonely she was during the marriage and after her divorce in 6 weeks he was engaged to a 20s something gorgeous actress that he is now divorcing after a year. I had a well of feeling for someone I met at the Tree but did not act on them because of all the music in my head about what was ok and boundries, not feeling focused on my place and always wanting a certain reaction. I was used to control and rarely submitt and all this other stuff, so often I wait till it is later and in reflection that I even begin to experience what I really wanted to become of the experience. so how do you move forward knowing some part of you is asleep at the wheel because it is in protective mode. Well that is my big project know my cultural rehab has come down to this question, and if I find the answers or if I struggle with them I will keep searching because I want to love not the love that means dissapointment or that expects it or the love that means blind fairy tale with no acceptance of the daily effort and responsibility of courtship. As we begin to cross over to the most anticipated year in ages I am woeful of my lack of placement for the shift. But each day I find an inspiration to call myself the luckiest girl and hope I will be thoughtful enough to recognize and react to the oportunities of exposing love as pure, success as grand and mediocrity as vulgar.

boom

Falling out of a tree while falling in Love, really... how does that work you ask? well it ends with being in a lot of pain in denver, my home town where I have the strange brew of reflecting on not just what i came from in SF and the cultural signifigance of being in an altered state of reference after all SF is really the choir. But to go into the Lions Den, where everything is rather postcard, where people are happy, well contented.... this seems to be referring back to the deepest struggle that cultural rehab is. Comfort. At the Tree there was very little comfort, the food was good nutrious but the feeling was about healing the utter lack of joy, passion and sensuality seemed foreign to me, why would God be so serious? If all is god than I am going to unfold in gratitude and make it a sexy beat or penetrating tune. My time there was ultimately the unraveling of the external desires to discover that all I really wanted was to be loved to find sacred sharing relationships and to be able to find strength in my daily practice of honoring my needs without squashing my desires and learning how to evaluate my desires based on real or illusional that were created and obligatory from outsiders wishing to control their own lives a little more. Did I walk away in complete surrender to love, much like in most meditation there were moments of yes I am bliss and I am learning how to have faith in something that is the epic beyond my complete control and it turns out it is an US. Yes I can get through anything, yes I believe in me, but know with love the next level is I believe in WE. So Yeah I have a great story to tell that I fell out of the tree, er hot tub but I wish it had just been the very classic story of I fell in love, which I did. And now I sit waiting to repair a new streach of crystalestate so that I might be able to take my skills and joy and sensuality and networking and all the groundwork and dreams and abundance and start to really put it all together.