Showing posts with label feeling better. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feeling better. Show all posts

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Holding Space for the Miracle, POST Valentine's Day

So everyone has a list. A list of things that are wrong that feels overwhelming and leads to the inertia of what can I do about it: Keystone pipeline, Kiev is burning and Venezuela is going offline, Olympics are sponsored by McDonald's?         Cable Mergers I pay 6.4 percent interest on my student loans with virtually no forgiveness, but corporate loans pay less than one percent and can file bankruptcy shielding any accountability to consumers, not to mention a prisoner costs 40+K a year, and a lifetime of loan money for a student is 38K. Drone programs,
       
, Teabagger politicking effectively squashing the rights and freedoms of women, gays, and various shades of browns, under the banner of Christian morality? Greed is Good for what exactly? But protesting with ironic signs, or pledging online seems meager at best, but no real My friend posted on FB, "don't go to Burning man this year- stop partying the world needs you-" and I have been haunted ever since.


Last night I watched 2 films, Blue Jasmine the Woody Allen film (my last, I weary to support a man so clearly at odds with women), but this latest tale shows another shrieking crazed harpies on the verge of a nervous breakdown when her high society life is shredded when her husband a Bernie maddof replica is exposed. She is forced to endure life in the cuts, and while it plays to every girl deepest Cinderella fantasy of being plucked pampered and spoiled by the perfect smart rich good looking man that loves you and gives you everything and the ominous cloud of cheating scandal and being left with nothing and no skills or means tossed out with nothing but your last years Chanel coat and a skill set un-sellable. It made me think of all the money donated to charities stolen from the rich and funneled to the poor, the party for the cause. Could Burning man develop deeper programs to justify this massive party in the desert. A TedxBurningMan, a guideline of 40 hours of service time bank discount for community action projects, or sustainable practice camps that win better locations. A pavilion of non-profits that gets voted on and wins a burning man grant. Why is the best party in the world not offering organized or intentional contributions back to the community of man- The man burns every year and there is no offering to "rebuild" him. And speaking of misguided energies this whole SF private bus debacle is a shambles of allegiances. The irony of the artsy crowd of the last ten years being offended that the tech crowd have private transportation - the culture of SF is being squandered, protests and eggs literally being thrown at employees on their way to work, really? Sure these tech guys are well if not over paid (19 billion for a texting app?) But this IS SF  the very essence of a boom town even in the 1800s it was expensive to live there and it was fraught with heart ache and fortunes were made and lost.

Fundamentally we are hating the players  not the game. When I moved to the mission it was awkwardly finding the confidence to charge more even though there were still plenty of dirty needles and piss pools, and bundled Latins hustling down market, but with the proximity to the bart, the notable extra sunshine, plenty of bars and cheap taquerias it was quickly becoming the destination inevitably more desirable, so now there are better stores, more restaurants and whole lot less crack deals- Yes SF is in a class war - but is there not some gray in there? Can there not be a way to openly sustain the eclectic artist community with the thriving tech industry as the oil barons did for Cartier and Faberge'? Millennials have proven they are not looking to insulate by moving to McMansions in the burbs like rappers or sports stars appear to do (do they?) Of course it may be because teckies are more likely from the burbs and want more culture now that they are on their own, so what might actually address the actual housing crisis? This.  And while we are still rummaging around on Community and calls to action in Brazil they are testing a cultural grant where they give the poor 20 bucks a month mad money to spend on books, movies what have you to make their lives a little better than work/  home. Heaven knows everyone does better with a 3rd place.

Movie 2 was Don Jon a slippery underdog film that was provocative entertaining and enlightening. When I first started dating my eventual live in boyfriend I was never against porn, my mom had playboys in the house as models (she was a painter) anyway I never thought of it as filthy but merely a quick fix. fast forward to an internet  that you can easily watch videos on and bam! an entire new beast of addiction has emerged. All of my guy friends talk about porn, and my boyfriend well yes he watched it, alot, daily. At first I took it personally, that he wasn't attracted to me as some fake coked up strippers with their orange asses and plastic tits honestly I still don't fully understand the relentless pursuit of porn if you have a good sex life but this movie was both funny and insightful to how the male mind navigates this addiction. It leaves me wondering though about my rules I got over it, kinda enjoyed it, but it wasn't a deal breaker - maybe I should have asked for more from him - to be more present - I wonder if I lack self respect because I am not interested in wrapping a man around my finger _ I guess I turned out to be more Julianne Moore that Scarlett Johanson anyway sex is precious because vulnerability is precious and there are few moments that demand authenticity like an orgasm and fewer moments that are corrupted better by our culture than around sex with partner or with that perfect easy screen whether it's selling lust or love.
Rounding out this post is the essence of I saw 2 strange currencies of environmental awakenings that were the actual inspiration of this post 1. A Fresh Water reserve has been discovered as an effective do over shhh don't tell Nestle. 2. An ancient 298 million year old forest was discovered beneath a coal mine in China!shhhhhh don't tell China!  
and then there is this Ronan Farrow is kinda my grown up cougar crush. Sorry Ryan Gosling
And this is my mobile device fantasy.

PS Visual Indulgences:



And if you need some work to go deeper in your woo This book is some kinda extra clarity  . Learning about the North Node is revolutionary. So Be Present and your grind on. Also this is my Anthem : Preach!

Friday, April 29, 2011

the art of feeling it. Dealing with disappointments

Expectations are a given. This morning I woke to join the rest of the world in celebration of a much anticipated union, the dress was lovely and a great choice and when I heard the vows, I was spooked what was all this talk of fear of God? I guess this is the burden of Royalty that they are so weighted with luxury that there is no room for actual splendor? I  am relieved that my vision of a fairytale is now very much different than the british version, I would want the love of God to be my unifier and a kiss that would be deep and lasting to nourish our souls, if that is tradition than yes I'm new school  and not looking back.

The love of my show, well good bad or well what have you I like getting in a studio and talking listening and playing some great music, this week there has been the last minute universal, on the way to studio was an email blast saying the net was down and all shows are canceled for the day,,,, wha wha wha and oddly enough I was really looking forward to having the show all to myself again, as my guests fell through, relieved actually, as I felt they weren't a fit for what I'm trying to do here anyway and after all this is where we are coming clean so eff it. I'm going to reconstruct some of the things I would have had on a regular show and my recap I did on the various festivals for the newsmagazine at KCSF and well this is what I love to do so I'm a going to do it. As Sammy would say I gotta be me.

And in that spirit, I have been grapling with being single, which is usually not an issue, but I am strangely becoming aware of my feelings and needs and I met someone that made me very at ease and open to yonder ahead, I am reminded of the agony of self reflection and the nature of me as a desireable canidate as I push through my days and nights of should I what are the rules of our game, and that this gets reflectedw as I search emplyment that also is equally appreciative of me and can challenge and delight me and bring out my very best. It is so hard to know how much you have to offer and it sitting on a shelf waiting to have an occasion like the perfect dress, where do I wear it? My mantra is always have it and the occasion will come, perhaps my skills for the amazing job and the charm for the awesomeest guy will also automacigly harmonize together as well.  You can't hurry love, a great record, and the perfect job. SO chin up because today one girl got her wish to come true she got her prince, and maybe it was exactly what she wanted, but we know that not everything turns out perfect but just hold steady to what you really want and believe in and it will all work out.