boom

Falling out of a tree while falling in Love, really... how does that work you ask? well it ends with being in a lot of pain in denver, my home town where I have the strange brew of reflecting on not just what i came from in SF and the cultural signifigance of being in an altered state of reference after all SF is really the choir. But to go into the Lions Den, where everything is rather postcard, where people are happy, well contented.... this seems to be referring back to the deepest struggle that cultural rehab is. Comfort. At the Tree there was very little comfort, the food was good nutrious but the feeling was about healing the utter lack of joy, passion and sensuality seemed foreign to me, why would God be so serious? If all is god than I am going to unfold in gratitude and make it a sexy beat or penetrating tune. My time there was ultimately the unraveling of the external desires to discover that all I really wanted was to be loved to find sacred sharing relationships and to be able to find strength in my daily practice of honoring my needs without squashing my desires and learning how to evaluate my desires based on real or illusional that were created and obligatory from outsiders wishing to control their own lives a little more. Did I walk away in complete surrender to love, much like in most meditation there were moments of yes I am bliss and I am learning how to have faith in something that is the epic beyond my complete control and it turns out it is an US. Yes I can get through anything, yes I believe in me, but know with love the next level is I believe in WE. So Yeah I have a great story to tell that I fell out of the tree, er hot tub but I wish it had just been the very classic story of I fell in love, which I did. And now I sit waiting to repair a new streach of crystalestate so that I might be able to take my skills and joy and sensuality and networking and all the groundwork and dreams and abundance and start to really put it all together.